So Soon?

Hello everyone, i'm in 10th grade and I already want to end my life. I don't know whats wrong with me. I don't have a girlfriend. I have friends I hang out with them at school everyday then I go home and sit at home in my room. Either on my computer or on my xbox 360. I have anxiety all the time, i'm uncomfortable walking around the school in the halls. I see guys with there girlfriends looking so happy, I envy them so much. Right now the best way out of this is death. People tell me just not to be shy and talk to people, when they don't understand I can't I really really can't. They say do it a certain amount of times you'll get used to it. No not true I tried it just makes me so uncomfortable I don't ever want to do it again. High School is supposed to be fun. Apparently not for me, junior high was not so bad but high school is making me think of suicide more than before. The same thing every single day over and over. No point in living....

 

A quote from Heroes, "It gets better after High school"

http://www.naute.com/inspiration/never.phtml

 

Yes but also 3 years of hell.

 

you know, growing up, I feel the same way. Doesn't make it any better for you, but there are more out there than you realize. The only way I could keep my sanity was to get super-involved in activities (band, swimmin, part-time job). It really kept my mind off of it but it was just a band-aid. You should talk to someone you trust or someone that is obligated to keep your situation in confidence. Talking does help but you have to have a tremendous amount of courage to take that 1st step. I did not and still suffer several years later. Don't make my mistake and get some help now so that you can enjoy your life at this young age. I was a bit of a "late bloomer" so I think I know what your are dealing with. I was awkward in conversations and probably still considered to be but that is ok. You just have to keep plugging away until you find a group, situation or organization that you feel comfortable enough to interact. I was terrified of rejection of the opposite sex but finally had a serious relationship at 24. I look back and I do hate that I was so shy and fearful but I found a (liberal) church group that really let me be me. That was really the trigger I needed to come out of my shell. It might be something different for you and I hope you find that stage where people accept you for who you are. I hope some of my rambling helped, I know I would feel better if you could trudge through and give your life a chance to develop.
Take care.

 

Gday from Australia,
Hiya mate. Reading your post reminded me of myself at your age. I was anxious every day of my school life. If I knew an answer the teacher asked I would still not answer for fear of drawing negative attention via kids, ad positive attention by the teacher. I wanted have lots of friends but couldnt cope when there were too many people. I wanted to socialise, but was too anxious to leave the safety of my home.
Years on I have been diagnosed with 'Social Phobia'. It is a very real disorder but it can be over come. Im a lot older than you and it has taken me much too long to come to get myself help. I am medicated which has helped me so much and I literally bounce into room of paople now. I am the life of the party now and Im having so much fun making friends. I really am funny, I dont hate myself anymore, I am proud of what I have achieved.
I cant say that medication is your way out of this situation, but it definitely sounds to me that you are 'social phobic' and even natural remedies can help. If not, please see a doctor if you can. You dont want to end it especially when you can have the world at your feet in the future. You are welcome to PM me if you like. I am happy to chat even if its about Austalia or whatever.

 

Hiya!

I know what you mean about not feeling comfortable, not even walking down the halls. Yep thats how it was for me. BUT trust me, it will pass. I didn't find my GF till after high school. She wasn't even from my school hers was some 30 miles off. Please hold off if you made it to the 10 you can go on and finish. Be safe and hang on!

:hug:

 

I meant "even when walking down the halls" sorry

 

Ya, thats a pain especially at ur age. But I have gone through 8 years and have another 5 or so to go. But if there is an end, that is special. Sometimes there is not.

 

I have no clue what is wrong. I am usually cheerful during the day but right when it hits 8:00 it's like a switch in my head. I go into MAJOR depression mode. I don't know how many more of these nights I can handle....I was going to get a job but i'm so messed up I couldn't even get the guts to call the employer for an interview...I'm pathetic, useless, nothing...

 

Heylo

I know EXACTLY what you mean. You are not pathetic, useless, or nothing. But you can make it, Believe me. Just start at the top of the list and go down, conquer your fears, I guess is what i mean. I use to feel the same way, and sometimes i still do. It takes awhile but it can be done. Please hang in there. If you need to talk PM me.