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So stressed out, so tired of it.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Crom Cruach, Jun 12, 2007.

  1. Crom Cruach

    Crom Cruach Active Member

    It's been a long while since I posted but I'm so, so stressed out right now I just need to write it all down and get it off my chest. Can't explain to anyone face to face so thank christ I can do it here anonymously.
    I made a very bad decision at the end of April. I moved out of my parents house in the countryside and move in with two mates. Within a week I'd started taking drugs, speed, ecstacy, acid, coke. Lots of drugs, wasted alot of money for a few weeks and done myself no good at all, as if my head wasn't messed up enough. Anyway I haven't touch anything in about 8+ weeks but in the meantime word had got around that we were taking drugs in the house and having house partys. The police raided us, found nothing because we'd all stopped taking stuff by then but they gave us a really bad grilling and were quite heavy handed, threatening to tell my boss and make me los emy job, tell my parents and all that. Now I haven't had any trouble with them since but I suffer from extreme anxiety and depression so I can't get their threats out of my head and am living in constant fear of my world falling apart, my own fault for getting involved in that nonsense in the first place. I just want to get out of the house now and go home, problem is one of my mates has no job, no welfare, he has no income, ive been paying his rent and buying food etc. which means im having a hard time financially aswell and I don't just want to leave, the house is in my name and he'll be effectively homeless but while im in that house I just cant cope, the sight of the place nearly gives me a panic attack so you can imagine what living there is like. Any suggestions what to do?
    I've been off work sick since last friday,tonight I got a text from a bloke I know. I had a fling with his ex for a few weeks, he wanted to know if I'd had sex with her, now I hate causing problems for people or causing fights so I said no, I promised we hadn't and rang her friend and told her to tell his gf to say the same, that we didn't have sex, turns out for the sake of peace she'd already said the same, that nothing happened. His gf lost the plot, rang him and they had a big fight. It seems I can't do a bloody thing right. To top it all of I'm broke at the minute, haven't had my meds (40mg parox, 1mg xanax 3 times daily) in about 2 and a half weeks. I'm an emotional wreck and I'm at the very edge. I want to break down and cry, have the world swallow me up and just disappear away from all my problems and the problems I'm causing.
    I've never been more stressed in my life and I'm just exhausted from it. I've been in my pyjamus since friday, havent set foot outside the front door. What the hell can I do?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2007
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you are in a bit of a jam. While you may feel responsible for your housemates, you really aren't. I think that if you want to move back home with your family that is what you should do. I am glad to hear you have been drug free for that long a period of time. I encourage you to stick with it. Put yourself first and do what is necessary to take care of you. That is the most important thing at this point in your life. :hug: