So Tempted

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Psychosomatattack, Apr 29, 2012.

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  1. Psychosomatattack

    Psychosomatattack Active Member

    I was drinking tonight. And for the first time I really felt emboldened to just down a bottle of Nyquil. I really wanted to do it. But I realize it probably won't give me the result I want. I'll probably get really sick and then regret doing it because I'll be in severe pain with horrific stomach cramps, or maybe scary seizures and frightening rapid heartbeat. Or maybe I'll suffer brain damage and then be a vegetable, wonderful. I'll then hate my life even more, but maybe then I'd have an excuse not to have to do anything (like go to work, which I dread).

    Every possible "way out" comes with the possibility that it may not work. That you could just end up going through a very painful time and regret it. Or that you may be disabled for the rest of your life.

    That leaves me with no way out. I am literally trapped.

    Yeah, there's counseling, blah blah blah. But I don't have much faith in it, sorry. I've tried before. It will make me feel better for a time but it won't LAST. And no, I didn't start out with that attitude so please don't tell me that "well if you have that attitude going in it WON'T work!" I've heard it before :(

    I just want OUT. Why can't I? I don't have a right to no longer exist? I have an obligation to continue living my life, to work, to do things I dread every day and suffer. Why should I have to? If I'm suffering so much why shouldn't I have the option of a peaceful opting out? Can't anyone understand that?

    I really hope that when I die there is no hell I go to. Because I believe I am already in it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 29, 2012
  2. Perhapsa3

    Perhapsa3 Well-Known Member

    I use Nyquil as a weak acting sedative. Sometimes situations are too much for me to bear levelheaded. I totally understand what you're saying. If what you need isn't available but is important to have in this world, what do you do? What do you do when it becomes Too Much and you're read up on the methods? :apple:
    Although, if peaceful opting out becomes readily available that could potentially turn into a disaster. There are people in this world who love to push others to commit suicide. They think it's fun, i've met some, they make me sick. So if peaceful opting out becomes legal, it's going to be a field day for the psychopaths in this world. (especially with the technology that's out there that people don't even know about)
     
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yes most methods can backfire and do alot which makes your life even more of a misery.You need to gain some inner strength and help yourself and let others help you to get through this.You sound a bit like i was stubborn so intent that you cant get better.It does take work from you also and instead of using the energy on thinking how to die use it to work out ways of getting better.
     
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