i have fucked up things again. i've relapsed into the worst state of mind i could ever be i have attracted all this to me and this time im afraid im not gonna be able to escape it. funny thing. death seem sto simple right now. and yet i want to write to someone that im serious about it. i even wrote to a freidn which by the way i kinda fucked (and he fucked me) i dont know may the the normal guilr feelings of this shit. is just too much i cannot even begin to explain it. i feel anger for writing it i feel angst and im gonna just shut myself down. it's been weird.