so that's it.

i have fucked up things again.
i've relapsed into the worst state of mind i could ever be
i have attracted all this to me and this time im afraid im not gonna be able to escape it. funny thing. death seem sto simple right now. and yet i want to write to someone that im serious about it.
i even wrote to a freidn which by the way i kinda fucked (and he fucked me)
i dont know may the the normal guilr feelings of this shit.

is just too much i cannot even begin to explain it. i feel anger for writing it
i feel angst and im gonna just shut myself down. it's been weird.

 

yea, you are writing like you are drunk as heck...
don't do it....
We are all here for you...
Even an old screw up like me....
it is always worce then it seems at first.

 

i think mike is right. let whatever you took or drank clear out of your system and revisit things with a sharper mind. i hope it will look better then, but at least you can make a rational decision about things.

 

fraternity of the ghouls
restless aside on moonshines of hopes
relying on dreams of runs
forsaken the sacred runs of the nights
relying on drems of runs
gone way past and come
folly shapes
folly shapes.

 

Jimbo's heavens.

frowning on the night of holy dead
relying on landscapes of calmness
not much to say or do
nor gods or dogs
letting the fear come over

what to say when's all said?
what to do when you don't know anymore?
how to act when you act like 'em?
how to love when you're all love?

how to talk?
how to talk?
what to say?
why to say?

im supposed to be a human being!
im supposed to laugh and be j
im supposed to not take this shit to fucking serious!
im supposed to laugh and love, not to raise above/em all
so fuck off god for making me a god.
fuck off devil for telling me you're in pain
but most of all, fuck off death.

how to talk?
how to talk when all you do is judge?
how to talk when all you do is respect?
how to tall

So jimbo realized in time, that what he wanted wasn't to achieve immortality or achieve the divine
he just wanted to forget and start over, watching t.v. laughing. being human. restless jimbo's come aside.

 

and not a bottle of two. just a friend who taught me to learn
and yet he vanished in the horizons, like using tools, and i knew it and yet i reached him. and now he-s changing places.

and its too much, is just too much and i cant do it again.
im making a fool oit of me and everyone has seen my pain now
how can they ever forget? how can i ever forget?
how can i stop acting and just be?
why god stills wants me here? why????
didn't i already fucked things up? in my hearth?
ive gtg/

 

too step?

too coward?
what's the way to happiness?
each one of us makes it.
to where? is it being an outcast?
is it talking while you're at j?
is it thinking there's got to be something else?
or is it simple depression, and guilt.
or self/pity
or simply cowardice?
what is it?
what is it that pushes us to love?
and what is it that pushes us?
what is it that pushes me to attack my host?
what is it?

 

too coward to love'em

every girl i ever saw, every step i ever took. too coward to forsake
and now. there's silence. and i'm poison
ah! let me laugh at the silence. a silent silence!

In the nights of gold, in the hopes of flames.
the dream awaits. LOVE and LOVE, little dove.
come and go, forsaken golds