So that's it... I go away, have fun, am a bitch, do stuff I shouldn't do. I come back into a stressful world where I have to get stuff done, come out to my girlfriend about what happened, am honest with people, find out stuff about my best mate who passed away several years ago, and have a shitload to do within 12 hours and somewhere there I have to sleep AND manage to scrap myself together for a visitor who'll come visit me for 10 days AND I have to manage to keep my mask up the entire time he's here. and still I feel like a victim whereas I KNOW I'm not. Far from it. Quite the opposite actually. I'm the one who always rushes into things, who does things that won't work, who does things and then screws it up somewhere, who does things and then regrets them, who DOESN'T do things and then regrets that. I'm a mess, I need to talk to someone but can't be arse to actually ask for help so I just end up ranting here :unsure: what kind of fucked up arsehole am I? I'm fucked in the head. Not deserving of any friendships and love. Theres only so little that keeps me going at the moment. I really don't know .. I really don't know... I need to hang on But then again, in the end it won't matter. We're all gonna die anyway, as if those few years make a difference. in the end I'll fuck up everything new coming my way again anyway. I'm lost. I'm fucked. I'm lonely. I'm alone. I'm whacked in the head.