so the end is nigh

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Andy85, Oct 16, 2011.

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  1. Andy85

    Andy85 New Member

    a suicide forum is as good a place as any, you guys will understand the feelings and uncertainties swirling around me right now. Ive written out my letter, drank a full bottle of jack daniels and am now going to <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>.

    Im not joking or looking for sympathy or 'dont do it' replies. my mind is made up. But i would like to share with you my final thoughts on life, ive always been depressed and have actively self harmed since i was 13. im now 26 and male. This is the first of my problems, ever feel like you were born of the wrong gender? well im doing all this hoping i can be reborn as a female and hopefully lead a happy life. Im sick of my life, im sick of this life, i have no money, no acheivements, no qualifications and as of today no girlfriend. I also have no hope for myself, these feelings have never gone away or got better. if people tell you that they do then they are lying to you, they have most probably never gone through the pain and anguish that you and i go through, the underlying fustration that your life is not right and totally worthless. Ive made several attempts to do this before, i slit one of my wrists when i was 15 and i took a full box of <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> a couple of years ago but im now convinced that <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> is the way to go. Things dont get better. The world is a cold, dark uncaring place especially for people like us. Only the cold uncaring people get ahead in life and they still die. it still comes to them so really they are just kidding themselves, they stretch their painful existence out 70 or 80 years before succumbing to the reapers icy grip. Me and you, we do not kid ourselves. We have realised the truth that nobody in the world cares about anybody any further that the cold little peices of metal and paper that exchanged between us and passed off as valuable. It is a cold and lonely existence and one we do not buy into, only in our deaths do the media recognise us as a cheap story to sell more papers and get more watching their tv and only then, and onnly breifly, do people recognise and acknowlege what they did to us before moving on.

    I Hope god is reading this, like i said i want to be reborn into another life, free of this pain, fear and depression that has haunted me since the day i was old enough to think for myself. Preferably female, preferably human, preferably american. If thats not asking too much of your high and mighty self god, it would be greatly appreciated. If you did this it would also be the first ever prayer you have answered.

    Anyway i have spent too long on this. Thankyou all for reading my epitome.

    Andrew
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I wont't try to talk you out of this. I don't believe in trying to make someone do something that they don't want to do. I think that in most cases though, that it is possible for suicidal people to get better.

    It could be that there is something that would help you that you haven't tried yet.

    do you want to talk about anything that you have done for treatment?

    I think that there are lots of caring people here. why not stay and talk some more?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Andi sorry you too are in the darkness Dam depression takes away our fight I hope you just reach out to one person okay and hold on until the darkness is not so dark You can pm me anytime okay i will listen and i certainly understand god i do hugs to you
     
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