So, the sound and a bad day

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I heard Alesia's voice last night, wherever it was coming from,she called to me "Bob" and as wonderful as it was to hear her voice, it was the the other that followed, deep and animal and that was coming from me. The swing from sweet calm, to the ragged rage fighting it's way to the front with raw deprival.

Today started out calmly, giving a lot of accumulated stuff away. Old lumber, doors, boxes, things we had bought together, made plans for together, things that made our eyes light up at an auction or thrift store. Two guys with a pickup wanted old wood, and doors and windows. Things that had been our "treasures", accumulated with so much time together searching them out. And I never did getting around to actually doing anything with them. And they were taking up room in the house. I thought removing some clutter would bring some calm and clarity, but now I feel like I've given away OUR beloved treasures as if they were nothing more than trash, like I've betrayed our time we spent together gathering them.

And then the ugly sound is here again


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When someone passes away it is hard to give away things that reminds us of them because we think we are trying to forget them amd that we are getting a rid of a part of them. It is hard but it doesnt mean you will forget her or the memories you had. Time is a healer and it will get a little easier and hurt left.
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