*Gay feelings here. If you don't approve of that, please don't post. And essentially, my intense attraction toward her led to my downfall. I met her in elementary school. At first, I wanted to be her friend, and felt dearly competitive with how perfect she was. At the end of elementary school and into middle, we became bestfriends. It sounds so silly, but I was young then, and didn't really realize that not everyone is allowed to like each other. (As in, I didn't notice most people were supposed to straight!) I feel so deeply in love with her, that she became the source of my happiness. An addiction, if you will. But it worked at the time, because we were very close. Constant sleepovers, hanging out, even vacations with our families together. But I cared a hell of a lot more about her than she did me. She was easy to make friends, beautiful, privileged with great parents, had a nice home, lots of material things, and money and just let life happen to her. I have always been more insecure, more of a loner. Obviously, I put her on a pedestal higher than I could I really ever see. I moved at the end of our first year in middle school. For two years, our communication was on and off. I was struggling with my sexuality, and also my feelings for her. I still have not flat out told her. When I finally did tell her EVERYTHING via myspace, it all backfired on me. She just would not talk to me straightforward. And it seemed so easy for her. She's made so many friends, had boyfriends, the works since I've been gone. After I sent her the message, I've tried to engage in conversation with her again, through telephone and the internet. She isn't interested, but it still hurts me like hell. I can't get over it, and I still want everything we had, back. I'm not in love anymore, and now she's changed. But I wish I could just be friends again.