So there was is this girl.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Aphorism, Sep 26, 2010.

  1. Aphorism

    Aphorism Well-Known Member

    *Gay feelings here. If you don't approve of that, please don't post.

    And essentially, my intense attraction toward her led to my downfall.

    I met her in elementary school. At first, I wanted to be her friend, and felt dearly competitive with how perfect she was. At the end of elementary school and into middle, we became bestfriends. It sounds so silly, but I was young then, and didn't really realize that not everyone is allowed to like each other. (As in, I didn't notice most people were supposed to straight!) I feel so deeply in love with her, that she became the source of my happiness. An addiction, if you will. But it worked at the time, because we were very close. Constant sleepovers, hanging out, even vacations with our families together.

    But I cared a hell of a lot more about her than she did me. She was easy to make friends, beautiful, privileged with great parents, had a nice home, lots of material things, and money and just let life happen to her. I have always been more insecure, more of a loner.

    Obviously, I put her on a pedestal higher than I could I really ever see.

    I moved at the end of our first year in middle school. For two years, our communication was on and off. I was struggling with my sexuality, and also my feelings for her. I still have not flat out told her.

    When I finally did tell her EVERYTHING via myspace, it all backfired on me. She just would not talk to me straightforward. And it seemed so easy for her. She's made so many friends, had boyfriends, the works since I've been gone.

    After I sent her the message, I've tried to engage in conversation with her again, through telephone and the internet. She isn't interested, but it still hurts me like hell.

    I can't get over it, and I still want everything we had, back. I'm not in love anymore, and now she's changed. But I wish I could just be friends again.
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    well... take your experience as a lesson.

    I know many many people who never actually got to know me but saw me as a perfect person who never does anything wrong-- then one day when they have the chance to sit with me privately; they learn that I have a dirty mouth and no problem with talking about intensely personal things. For many people that alone would completely destroy the image of me that they'd built up in their mind.

    No one is exactly how they appear to be.
    That is impossible.
    Everyone has baggage; everyone will grow and change from their personal experiences and no one will stay pure forever - as much as you may hope for it.

    It's fine to be attracted to someone or to be in love with their appearance but love will also be: accepting them for who they grow to be- no matter what happens.
    If you don't feel you could still love them even if they had done horrible things- then you are not really in love with them.

    You should try not to feel too bad about this situation... it's crappy that things turned out this way but take it as a lesson rather than a sign of the end.
  3. Aphorism

    Aphorism Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your support. I guess I'm not in love with her anymore, and I know she's a different person--but I still want to be friends with her. With everything that has happened between us, I still care so deeply for her. And I want to be there for her if she ever needs me.

    But I suppose that's just not my place, and I don't know how to move past it.