Yesterday I went to take a bath, took the usual 1hr. Placed some ice on my left wrist for like 5 minutes to numb it then slashed it, started bleeding like hell, water turned dark red. I thought I could see my flexor tendon or something ,not sure. Thought I was about to faint but nope, just kept bleeding. Stood up to make the blood flow out quicker. Blood squirted on the bathroom tiles, thought I was going to faint again but nope nothing happened. So I just placed my arm in some ice cold water to stop the bleeding, then I wrapped it up. Few minutes later I wanted to tell my sister but I couldn't, the times just weren't right. At about 1am I finally managed to say "I think I might need some stitches". Sister asked why and I kept asking her why else?, till eventually I said I cut my wrist. She went to tell mum, she started shouting at my sister like it was her fault which I just thought of as shock I guess. So they lecture me about this and that then we realise the time and just get back to our own buissness. Me and my sister didn't sleep till 6:30am. Missed college, both of us. I haven't been to college for 3 weeks now I think and her 1 week. The head of year called and asked about why my sis was absent. She just said she was still feeling ill like the week before. I don't know if my mum called the school and told them the real reason why I was absent or not...I think she did because the head of year could have asked me why I've been absent for sooo long. I picked up the phone after all. Today after like 5 crying sessions and getting lectured by both my mum and sis I've told them that I'm going to kill myself. Now this didn't seem to be much of a shock as I've told my sister before about being suicidal but then covered it up with "I was just having an emo moment". But she told me that she told my mum anyway and they didn't do anything about it because they assumed I was fine. Now I've told them that I really really want to die and will probably do so in a few days. Got lectured but I gave answers that just made them repeat the same questions. My sister keeps asking me why. My mum is just saying that I won't do it and she won't take me to a psychiatrist because they never helped her. I don't really care about getting help, I really do intendt to end it in a few days. My sis says she'll take me to the doc or w/e but I keep letting her know that she can't actually make me go. I know I'm being really really really cruel. I just want them to know why I'm going to do what I will so that they don't keep asking themselves why after I'm gone. I won't resist the trip to the doc, I'll do whatever they say I need to do just to make them see that nothing will change my mind and that have tried. She suggested I talk to samaritans and I told her that I done so several times in the past and I didn't get any help from them that lasted long. So after the doc visits and psychiatrist or w/e. I can say that I have tried all that I can. Will I be able to let go then? Will it finally be okay to just close my eyes and say goodbye?