Are you the ones I can talk to? People who'll understand, or at least make the effort? I've been looking all over for you. Hi. My name's Audrey. I'm a grad student (in psychology, of all things) and though I've never made it further than a few steps into planning, I've had a strange fascination with suicide ever since I was a pre-teen. I have a chronic illness that's kept me more isolated than most would consider normal, and though I'm not a negative person, I do have a profound melancholy streak that keeps the darker and shadowy sides of the world close. I've struggled with addictions and anorexia in the past--both slow suicides, in some way--and though things recently have been better, I take a strange comfort in knowing I have another 'out.' I joined the forum mostly because I wanted to spend time (even virtual time) around others who'd at least understand the impulse, or who'd know a little what it's like to wrestle with it. I think, too, that as an agnostic / atheist, I have an interest in the philosophical problem of suicide, and I'm genuinely interested in exploring the question with others who won't immediately push me in the direction of a crisis hotline. So that's that. If anyone wants to talk, I'm here--for all my broodiness I'm generally a good listener and a supportive and genuinely warm person--and I'm looking forward to getting to know the community a bit better.