So this is who i am....

Discussion in 'The Uncertainty Principle' started by Superdead, Apr 2, 2006.

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  1. Superdead

    Superdead Guest

    Im nto really telling you guys, i'm telling myself who i am because i don't know. I long for some kind of identity but i don't have one. So help me make one for myself as I list random facts about myself

    *I was born in plano, texas
    *my first memory is of my aunts wedding where I danced with a girl who was also three years old. My aunt had a horrible divorce.
    *I moved a number of times living in various states across america, and never really felt connected to anywhere.
    *when I was twelve, for fun me and my friends( i had two friends) enjoyed playing soccer, playing videogames, exploring sewers, and playing magic the gathering. I got very good at MTG, so that i was a full fledged nerd
    * I am a virgin, although I seriously do not know how that has happened.
    I am not ugly and I almost lost my virginity a number of times but always pulled away from it for one reason or another
    * i had a reputation as a stoner before I ever smoked pot. This is because I have innatentive ADD and sort of Drift everywhere, I dont follow orders and im always looking out windows or getting lost in my thoughts.
    * I made friends with really wierd people in kansas and became a small time drug dealer. I smoked ice a couple times(smokable crystal meth) and I smoked nug(type of hash). But these people werent really my friends. They were evil and incapable of having true friends.
    * I began to escape more and more into myself. I am not afriad of talking to people or anything like that, Im actually very confident, but I live in this hazy state where nothing makes sense. I was not hazy due to drugs, I had never been capable of thinking entirely straight all the time, and i always felt like this, like there is a secret that everyone else is in on and im alone.
    *On the night I was supposed to be baptized, I ran away from home without telling anyone and roamed the streets with no shelter for a week, I walked over 100 miles and saw many odd things that week.
    * I used to be considered gifted, but my grades dropped and I barely squeezed into K-state.
    * once at K-state I slowly developed an increase in my own insanity. I had a girlfriend for a tiny tiny amount of time, and I had friends, but I got wierder and wierder, and began to stay in my room all day and then walk in circles around town at night, and miss all my classes.
    * I stopped bathing or eating(this transitioned slowly over time)
    * one day, I showered, shaved, and went to a dance club, danced with this girl. She kissed me and she told me she thought i was hot, and stuff like that, and I thought she was pretty but at the end of the night I enexplicably decided to go home and never call her again. This is only one example of many examples where I hide from people.
    * I skipped finals to play in a magic the gathering tournament in whicita and to sleep on the side of the road and watch people. I love to observe people. I had not played MTG at all in a year so maybe thats the real reason I went.
    * I got prescribed new meds and made my parents cry and stuff and now I have to move out without a degree and try to live on my own but Im not sure about it.
     
  2. T.Q. Lyt

    T.Q. Lyt Guest

    I can laugh
    When things ain't funny
    Ah Ha, Ha-Happy go lucky me

    Yeah, I can smile
    When I ain't got no money
    Ah Ha, Ha-Happy go lucky me

    It may sound silly but,
    I don't care
    I got the moonlight
    I got the sun
    I've got the stars above

    Me and my filly well, we both share
    This slappy go happy, happy go lucky looovve

    Life is sweet ..oh, sweet as honey
    Ah Ha, Ha-Happy go lucky me

    It may sound silly but,
    I don't care
    I got the moonlight
    I got the sun
    I've got the stars above

    Me and my filly well, we both share
    This slappy go happy, happy go lucky looovve

    Well! Life is sweet, oh yea! sweet as honey
    Ah Ha, Ha-Happy go lucky me
    Ah Ha, Ha-Happy go lucky me
     
  3. smk

    smk Well-Known Member

    you know you just about described your identity up to this point, now i figure you'll experience other things that you'll add to that list, and that collection of memories will be who you are.

    maybe a niche or something like that...
     
  4. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    :hug:

    i wish i had a "this is what you can do..." thing to say..

    you can still get qualifications, by goign back to school, though that maybe out of the Q atm.

    i have a few of the behaviors you have mentioned there, so oyur not a complete "wierdo", well your not alone anywho.

    in short term, i would suggest you got any kind of job, and then find a place to live. :hug:

    if you feel like you'd be able to talk more about it too me your more than welcome too
     
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I lived in Plano, Texas for 8 years :)
    These things don't have to define you :hug:
     
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