every day I am physically tired. I was not always like this. I was a morning person (not the nauseating perky person, but friendly). Now I fall asleep daily (sometimes at my desk, mainly I hide in the bathroom and snooze). I am emotionally dead. I do not feel ANYTHING. Good or bad anymore. I cut to feel something....... or at least that is what I tell myself on why I started cutting. Now I cut so I feel like I am in control of at least ONE part of my life. And punching my head or slamming it into walls, desks - whatever is handy. I am tired of trying a med to only find out it doesnt work. I am tired of shrinks all asking the same questions. I am tired of smiling when I dont want to. I am tired of coming to work when all I really want to do is <edit mod total eclipse methods> I am tired of the endless bullcrap. I KNOW my family would be better off without my drama. And about $750k in insurance (I am past the no-suicide deduction periods). Plus then we would not waste time and $$ with shrinks and meds. i REALLY just wanna say screw it. I do not fit in ANYWHERE. I never have. I never will. As mom always used to say..... she wished she never had me, well so do I.