I felt good today and then night falls. My feelings went away and I remember who I am. I can't change my life, I can't change me. It sucks to feel trapped and like there is no way out. It makes me want to cut again and again. It makes me feel like there is no point to go on if I hate myself. I cut everyday now, but there's no answers, there is never answers. Life drags on like time. There is so much time! but at the same moment I feel that there is never any time. There is never enough time. It is all one big paradox. All I like is that feeling, the sharpness running across my skin. For one moment, I forget and bliss overcomes me like waves in the ocean. What the hell do you have to do in this world to feel better. Nothing, nothing ever comes close to this feeling of bliss. Its amazing that i would think that something would come close to it. I use to think somethings did, but I think I was wrong. Nothing works, nothing improves. It's all one big illusion. We entrust others with our feelings, our lives. To make us feel like we can be whole, we trust others to make us feel right but we never know what goes on in their heads. All we know is what is in ours, when we can overcome ourselves maybe then we can deal with others, and even then others wont matter. But to me I just can't overcome my barriers. This rant probably makes no sense. Crazy ? maybe. I don't know anymore. I always try to see the positive side, do the positive thing. Never works out I always, ALWAYS, feel like there is just no good way for me. I'm just so tired of it.