So tired of fighting...of hurting others...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by caraculiumbro, Aug 13, 2012.

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  1. caraculiumbro

    caraculiumbro Member

    I am so tired, I feel utterly exhausted by life. I feel like I am dying every day. no one cares. No one sees. I am so tired of faking it. I know that is selfish, but I am so sick of being the one that is strong for others. I struggle every day. I hurt so much. I have made so many bad choices, it is clear that karma has caught up with me. I am such a disappointment and drain on others.

    My husband hates me, we fight every day. I cry and he tells me I am just trying to make him feel bad. I hurt so much. I don't know how to recover. I am not strong enough to keep fighting through things. I'm just not strong enough.

    I am locked in my bedroom with my gun, a gift from my dad to protect myself from my ex-husband who also manipulated and hated me. I just want to feel nothing, I am so tired of feeling bad. My husband found my subscription to this forum and told me I am a weak victim. He is drinking downstairs, again. A fifth of rum. I can't fix things any more. I am too weak, he is right.
  2. wishful

    wishful Member

    So why don't you leave the husband & start your own life. Stop worrying & trying to fix others & take care of yourself? I understand the 'exhausted by life' comment & feeling like you're dying every day. It's not that no one cares...its' that people just can't see. When you're good @ covering up your feelings to hide your true self from others what do you expect? You can't change the choices you've made in the past ... you can only change your future. You are strong enough or you wouldn't have found this site (& if you can navigate getting on here & figuring how to use it ...that's gotta count for something!!). I don't think suicide is weak. I think it takes a stong person to actually do the deed. I also think if you really want to 'do it' you'll just do it & not take the time to come here. You keep hoping things will change & get better. You have to be the change to make the change. Leave the husband...get out & start a new life.
  3. iwannahelp

    iwannahelp New Member

    I've been through a similar situation, and trust me, you are not weak. Anyone who has been through what you've been through and is still going is not weak. You have so much strength that most people don't have. Please, don't do anything to hurt yourself, your husband and ex-husband aren't worth that. Show them how strong you are. You're stronger than them. Prove it to them. Please, talk to someone, get help. It'll be the best thing you ever do.
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