I am so tired, I feel utterly exhausted by life. I feel like I am dying every day. no one cares. No one sees. I am so tired of faking it. I know that is selfish, but I am so sick of being the one that is strong for others. I struggle every day. I hurt so much. I have made so many bad choices, it is clear that karma has caught up with me. I am such a disappointment and drain on others. My husband hates me, we fight every day. I cry and he tells me I am just trying to make him feel bad. I hurt so much. I don't know how to recover. I am not strong enough to keep fighting through things. I'm just not strong enough. I am locked in my bedroom with my gun, a gift from my dad to protect myself from my ex-husband who also manipulated and hated me. I just want to feel nothing, I am so tired of feeling bad. My husband found my subscription to this forum and told me I am a weak victim. He is drinking downstairs, again. A fifth of rum. I can't fix things any more. I am too weak, he is right.