Here I am again. For those who know me, I vent here a lot because I have nowhere to turn to without the threat of going into a hospital. Anyways, I still have lingering thoughts about the hospital incident and I am still suffering the aftermath, especially the guilt and regret about what I did to everyone. In the meantime, I'm also entertaining the thoughts and memories of the experience because it was so emotional to go through what I dealt with. I wish I could recreate the scenario, but this time, I would ask questions to fill in the blank of what happenend to me while I was unconscious. Somehow I am stuck on trying to find out all the things that happened to me but I know it might be a trigger for me. I'm reminded everyday of the ordeal and can't shake it off. I've mentioned in group about how obsessed I am about my suicide attempt but now I don't even want to bring it up because it's the SOS. My group members say that it's only been and year and a half that it happened and that I just need more time to heal. Am I trying to rush my wish to recover? When can I ever let it go?