So tired of this broken system

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by violetskies, Apr 20, 2009.

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  1. violetskies

    violetskies Member

    So tired, so very tired of everything.

    On Friday I asked someone to call the crisis team for me, as I knew they never understand a word I say to them. Even when I'm completely honest about how bad it is, they never get it. I guess because I say it in a calm, factual manner then it means I'm fine. I'm not fine. I dissociate, it's how my brain deals with stuff. So yeah, they're contacted and they make a big fuss over the fact that it wasn't me that phoned.. then when I finally speak to someone the stupid woman is no help.

    "Why don't you look up one of the websites you like looking at? Nothing too heavy." - yeah which website would that be? The tv guide, or the websites to do with suicide?...

    "Why don't you try taking a valium?" Their damn answer for everything.

    "You know you can always call later if it gets worse". To which I reply that it can hardly get any worse, I'm really not coping now. "Well I'm going to go now, you have our number if you need to call later".

    My god what is wrong with these people??? The whole phone call must have lasted all of 3 minutes. What kind of damn service is that? I'm so sick of this.

    Oh yeah and they mentioned that during the daytime, on weekdays that there's someone at the centre I can ask to speak to.. I pointed out that because I have trouble going outside and using public transport etc, that it would be pretty difficult.. all they can say is "oh". Yeah.. thanks for the help there too, you stupid stupid woman. Right now I'm trying so very hard to keep it together but I am increasingly losing the desire to stick around on this planet.
  2. kote

    kote Account Closed

    i know exactly how you feel!!!
    i have serious issues with "systems", "rules" and "procedures".
    its what broke me in the first place and now i find it hard to cope with the easiest of daily things. before i got so wound up with the system i could do anything and everything and had the world at my feet.
    now i find it even hard getting out of bed and going downstairs.
    ive a great dr. but the pills arent the answer.
    ive tried going back to my career several times but each time failing because of the system.
    i know you must be so tired as everyone says just ask for help and we will help you, but in reality the system prevents it. i feel that pain of yours and hope you can find time for yourself. i found when i really broke down that i spent 3 months sleeping and during that time i learnt to stop fighting it all and accept that i was sick and only time and rest would cure me.
    i found great comfort in that fact and sacrificed a lot of things to find comfort. just imagine if you had any other serious sickness and were orderded to bed rest. people wouldnt look upon that as strange and neither should they in this case. rest rest and more rest to slow your mind and relax your environment. its not a cure but its certainly a way of coping!
    take care and i hope you find some peace and rest as im going through similar frustrations.
  3. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    That's pathetic. :dry: So much for help in a crisis. Maybe try a different one? There are lots of similar phone lines out there, they can't all be as useless.
  4. violetskies

    violetskies Member


    I really liked your advice about accepting that I'm sick and relaxing into it. I think at one point.. I did. It's so long ago I forgot all about it. I supposed the fact that people always want to point out the progress I've made here there and everywhere made me feel like I had to hurry to get better. I'm making progress, so I guess I better hurry and get back to "normal" and stop wasting tax payer's money. Something like that. These past few years I've been so focussed on getting back into life that I forgot that maybe I'm still not ready.

    I think the drive in me to get better because it's the right thing to do, fighting against the reality that I just can't BE better right now tends to make me a bit frantic. There's been a lot of professionals who have pointed out what caused me to land in this mess (things I already knew anyway), and also told me things that would help me get back on track (things that ultimately did not work), but no one once told me it was ok to be like this. To be ill. I think all this time I've been trying to get better because I feel like I'm not really allowed to be sick. It makes a lot of sense. I still don't really feel like it's ok for me to not be well.. but I'm definately going to try to come to terms with my reality RIGHT NOW.

    To answer Mel-x,

    I'm afraid that crisis team is the one I'm stuck with. There are helplines I could call if I wanted just to offload. Samaritans and breathing space spring to mind. But the team I tried to get help from is my primary mental health team, or whatever you call it. They are the people I get referred back to if I go to my GP. They basically have power over my life at the moment. A fact I'm really not happy about. If I could get myself transferred to a different mental health centre in the same city, I would. I hate that place. But unfortunately I'm stuck there because of my postcode.
  5. kote

    kote Account Closed

    im glad my few words helped a little.
    it is ok to be sick and to realise that it will take time.
    the advice my wife always says is dont push yourself or you will break.
    i keep trying to go back to work but i keep falling over because im still sick.
    the instinct to get better asap is in all of us. but with mental health its different. we need to press the reboot button and for some of us with old computers that takes time.
    rest, relax, do something fun but dont push yourself!
    i know what you mean about drs. too. i used to go to a local one and he was useless. now i drive for 2 and 1/2 hours to a really nice guy and he listens and helps and has been patient and knows that i need time.
    my only advise from experience is rest and that its ok to be you and be unwell for as long as you like. its a sickness and it deserves to be treated as such no matter what your environment is you need to rest into it!
    take care and i would say get well soon - such an over used phrase - but i will say get well in your own time its ok to be you!!!!
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