So tired, so very tired of everything. On Friday I asked someone to call the crisis team for me, as I knew they never understand a word I say to them. Even when I'm completely honest about how bad it is, they never get it. I guess because I say it in a calm, factual manner then it means I'm fine. I'm not fine. I dissociate, it's how my brain deals with stuff. So yeah, they're contacted and they make a big fuss over the fact that it wasn't me that phoned.. then when I finally speak to someone the stupid woman is no help. "Why don't you look up one of the websites you like looking at? Nothing too heavy." - yeah which website would that be? The tv guide, or the websites to do with suicide?... "Why don't you try taking a valium?" Their damn answer for everything. "You know you can always call later if it gets worse". To which I reply that it can hardly get any worse, I'm really not coping now. "Well I'm going to go now, you have our number if you need to call later". My god what is wrong with these people??? The whole phone call must have lasted all of 3 minutes. What kind of damn service is that? I'm so sick of this. Oh yeah and they mentioned that during the daytime, on weekdays that there's someone at the centre I can ask to speak to.. I pointed out that because I have trouble going outside and using public transport etc, that it would be pretty difficult.. all they can say is "oh". Yeah.. thanks for the help there too, you stupid stupid woman. Right now I'm trying so very hard to keep it together but I am increasingly losing the desire to stick around on this planet.