So tired of this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by daybyday, Apr 17, 2015.

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  1. daybyday

    daybyday Member

    I am at the point I can't sleep unless it's medicated and as soon as it wares off I am awake and it feel like I have been punched in the stomach, always feel so alone even if I can manage to get out which is less and less, I have nothing I want to be here for and the pain of depression is unbarable any more it is at the point I can't seem to do much, no one understands why keep it up I need to find peace soon.
  2. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Are you being treated for your depression? It sounds severe. It's really not a good sign when you can't sleep unless you have medication as sleep is absolutely essential towards getting better. Also, if you are anything like me, what happens next is that you can't sleep even when you are medicated as the medications stop working.

    It sounds like your depression is in a downward spiral right now. You're getting out less and less and you're not getting much done. Those things make the depression worse - it is one of the really rotten things about depression that it encourages itself. In other words, your depression isolates you. In turn, that isolation makes your depression worse. Your depression stops you from functioning. All the undone tasks are, in turn, depressing. So it's important to break that cycle as soon as you can. Please seek treatment if you are not already. If you are in treatment, please let them know it's not working.

    I'm really sorry you're going through this pain right now. And it's true that people who have never been depressed have a hard time understanding what we go through. Can you tell us a little bit more about what's going on? Maybe we can help. At least provide moral support.
  3. daybyday

    daybyday Member

    I am on so many pills right now it's sad nothing works, I can only get about 4-5 hrs sleep now going to double the pils to sleep, I am at the point I am scared to go out, I think it's very close to one way out I have done the research have the way planed just when now
  4. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    By "so many pills" do you mean antidepressants? Do you have a psychiatrist? If so, I think you need to let them know your treatment is absolutely not working. Or seek a second opinion.

    It's true that it can take awhile to find a combination that works. Also true that sometimes some ADs stop working. Even true that some people's depression is resistant entirely to medication. Here is where it really helps to have a therapist who can help you work on additional approaches to supplement the medication. Do you have one?

    This business with your sleep is very worrisome. I've doubled medication in order to get to sleep myself so I understand that completely. When you're desperate for sleep, you'll do anything to get there. There are a couple of problems with this, however. For one thing, it speeds up the time when the meds stop working completely. For another thing you might od and make yourself extremely sick, if not worse. Right now the prospect of not waking up doesn't seem that negative a consequence, but that is your illness speaking.

    Even more worrisome than the sleep disorder (which is making your depression worse) is that you have a plan. Please contact someone for help, now. This is an illness, a really horrible one, and your treatment isn't working.

    I am really sorry you're in such pain right now. It is utter hell, I understand.
  5. daybyday

    daybyday Member

    I have been on antidepressants for 13 years now so many different ones, I did see a therapist and all I got from them is I am depressed no help nothing so I have not gone back, things are supposed to get better at rock bottom but I have been there for a while now, I do not have any friends and can not put this on my kids, I try not to bother them anymore as they have better life's. So tired of crying day in day out. Maybe the hospital is a better shot I just don't know so lost
    I thought I had a friend and I told how I felt it did not go good she posted that I am an idiot on face book I believe there is no help now
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2015
  6. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Your situation sounds an awful lot like mine did a couple of years ago. I too have adult children I hesitate to involve and I too had a good friend I lost when I told her how I felt. She seemed to view feeling suicidal as some great moral crime. Quite astonishing really. BTW: Your friend posting that you're an idiot on FB is a reflection on her and a poor one at that. Of course, it makes you feel terrible but it really makes her look much worse. Still, I know it hurts deeply to have a friend turn on you like that, just when you need someone the most.

    I do think you might consider the hospital, either in patient or in a day program if your insurance will cooperate. You need more support than you're getting. They need to reevaluate your meds for one thing. When you're this depressed, it's really hard to do anything, but can you manage to look into some of the hospitalization programs available to you? Ideally your psychiatrist should have this information but it never hurts to do a little back up research on-line. This might be the place to identify a new therapist. Just because the last one didn't work out, doesn't mean you might not find a better fit elsewhere.

    I'm also not sure I agree about not involving your children. I think you need to at least let them have the choice of getting involved, if they want to. You can let them know the situation even while letting them know you are pursuing help and do not expect them to take on that burden. Maybe they'll surprise you with phone call and a chat. I know a call from one of my daughters cheers me up for days.

    Have you called the person who is prescribing the meds? I think that might be a place to start.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am sort of the same, without meds it is difficult to sleep. Having a warm bath and a comfortable bed with comfortable music can help. I can understand your pain :hug:
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