so tired of this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swimmergirl, May 21, 2009.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I am so miserable I can't stand it. It's like this virus that won't go away. I want to be dead so I don't feel so horrible about life, so lost, so detached, such an outsider looking in, so alone, so lonely, so scared, so hopeless, so disgusting, so worthless. It has to stop, I have to make it stop because it hurts too much, and I am done fighting, done trying, done hoping, done waiting, done, done, done.

    I am scared as hell of it getting worse, and scared as hell of killing myself, but I no longer feel like I have any other options. I believe I should be dead, I never really believed that before, but I do now. I need to kill myself, it is probably why I am here in the first place.
     
  2. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry to hear you suffering so much. However you could review this bit... it is probably why I am here in the first place.
    Not NECESSARILY. Lots of people have suicide ideation and do not go any further, including ALL the people here?... Suicide ideation is 'normal' for someone with depression. I hope you can hold on. Defer the decision 'til tomorrow or next week?
     
  3. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I have been holding on for like a year now, constantly fighting this impulse, telling myself over and over and over it will get better. It's not.

    What do I do now?
     
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