I am so miserable I can't stand it. It's like this virus that won't go away. I want to be dead so I don't feel so horrible about life, so lost, so detached, such an outsider looking in, so alone, so lonely, so scared, so hopeless, so disgusting, so worthless. It has to stop, I have to make it stop because it hurts too much, and I am done fighting, done trying, done hoping, done waiting, done, done, done. I am scared as hell of it getting worse, and scared as hell of killing myself, but I no longer feel like I have any other options. I believe I should be dead, I never really believed that before, but I do now. I need to kill myself, it is probably why I am here in the first place.