i don't even know what to say. i am out of the country working right now. i hate the people i work for. they treat me poorly and then wonder why i'm so unhappy. apparently i've damaged my reputation beyond repair. apparently another thing that i completely fuck up. i'm sick, i'm tired and there isn't much hope for change. the best i can hope for is a slow steady decline until i finally give in. i really wonder if it's worth trying to change anything. all i ever do is disappoint myself and others. i just don't care anymore.