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so tired - so lost

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Jul 16, 2015.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    this took so long to get down - can't seem to get the words right

    breakdown at work - so alone - no one cares

    no one listens - keep giving me more and more bugs to fix, problems to solve, on topics that i have no understanding of and no one to teach me

    no life - barely awake long enough to eat then back to bed early - not that it matters because i can't get a complete period of uninterrupted sleep

    sitting in my living room at 3 in the morning trying to make it to 4 so that i can get out of the house by 4:30 - spend so much time alone, unwanted

    rambling now, sorry tried not to but...i don't know...can't think right

    hurts so much and i can't even tell you what or why - i don't know myself

    i know that once i'm dead this all goes away - it's all i can think about - if i close my eyes i can see my lifeless body - i want it so badly

    don't expect a response - don't deserve one - no use to anyone else here

    why am i writing this? it doesn't even hold back the tears, not making anything better

    nothing makes it better

    i'm so lost i want to fall off the face of the earth
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I SEE YOU AND HEAR YOUR WORDS and i am sorry you are suffering so depression makes us feel so alone it does. You are not alone here ok it is good your tears keep coming out not held in hugs
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    my works mean nothing - in the end i'm just screaming into the wind

    head is spinning

    can't stay here any more - leaving
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    rest when you can ok scream if you need to scream it is ok but rest as much as you can
  5. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    Being overworked and not appreciated is very wearing and soul destroying too. Can you change job? I know the feeling. I am going to change my job if I can get out of the pit of depression I am in just now. I am sorry you feel so burdened and lonely. Hugs.
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Can't change job - can't sleep - can't fix my life

    Not even sure if I'll be able to drive home after I get off the train

    And I scream all the time now - just inside my head
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    "The only way to win is cheat
    And lay it down before I'm beat
    And to another give my seat
    For that's the only painless feat..."
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