So tired

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jackie227, Sep 16, 2013.

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  1. Jackie227

    Jackie227 New Member

    I am tired. I am tired if fighting, overcoming, getting through, and making things work. I have lost all strength in dealing with life's many blows, so I am here.

    I am overwhelmed. My job is extremely demanding--I am in the office 12 hrs. Sometimes until 3am. I work weekends. It is a struggle. I am in a major city where I know very few people.

    I have snapped. Not only did I deal with the stress from job, I was diagnosed with a medical condition last year that required surgery. I suffered in unexplanable pain for months. Finally, I found out I needed surgery to remove ovarian cysts. But the first surgery was a failure. Why? I was more screwed up than they thought and needed a specialist. I was infertile until I could have surgery and even then, my chances to conceive were slim. So more doctors who wanted to remove everything. I found someone and boom ... she misread my ultrasounds and the medication she gave me made my condition worse! So another surgeon...surgery...recovery....IVF visits...and a drug that makes me crazy and makes me feel like a man.

    And in the middle, my father has a major stroke. States away I have to fly to the hospital every weekend for a month and now monthly to see him. My siblings basically are useless. He calls to tell me what to do when he passes away. How my siblings dont help out. And this makes me upset and depressed.

    And I have now reached my breaking point. My boyfriend of a year broke up with me because I can't have kids or guarantee I can have kids when he is ready. He lost romantic interest in me. He lied to me. He is now seeing someone else. And all sorts of people now know I have fertility issues.

    I can't deal with all of this anymore. I fight to stay alive, and I am tired of fighting. I am tired of tge heartache, disappointment, sadness, frustration and anger. I AM TIRED.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Jackie im sorry the medical system seems to be so inadequate dam eh Many people i know have been told they could never have children and guess what they have hun so doctor have been know to be wrong on that account Better to find out now hun what a jerk your bf is You would want better for yourself hun Let him go he will soon find himself alone because no one will put up with what he just did to you. I am sorry your father is so ill hun and your siblings not helping You can at least have peace of mind knowing you were there for him as much as you could be You stay here ok you talk to us you LEAN on us through this and i hope you can find a support system in your community also to help you
    If you can take some time off work and just rest ok if you can hugs
     
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