So tired

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Jecie, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. Jecie

    Jecie Active Member

    I'm 34 and I'm just tired of life. I have very successfully isolated myself from everybody and now start to realise I picked a husband that leaves me to my own devices as well.

    I had a laparoscopy on Monday. I've been booked off for the week. I feel like nobody cares that I'm in pain. I really just don't want to deal with life anymore. I just want it to stop.

    Going to bed. Hope you Guys have a better day than me.
     
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hope pain has subsided now.
    how do you feel about the isolation though?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry hun your hsb leaves you to your own devices a nd he is not supportive of you I care hun and i am sorry you are so sad and alone I do hope the test comes back ok and you can rest some with the week off taken Hope you also can talk to someone your doc about your sadness ok maybe get something to help you i finally did that and it does help ok
     
  4. Jecie

    Jecie Active Member

    I just think he'd be better off with someone else more healthy. I'm so tired of being perfect all the time. I smile when I must, laugh at his jokes, support him in every entrepreneurial thing he tackels. I share his hobbies with him and always try to be the wife he cannot complain about. Once in a while I need support too. Once in a while it would be nice if he held me and just said he loves me. I feel like I'm annoying him right now, like my illness is creating an irritation in his perfect little existence.

    I wish I could just cry and let it out. Guys, I'm serious when I say I am starting to see the wood from the trees. I have two choices:
    - suck it up and live like this.
    - realise him and I need different people, before we have kids in this marriage.

    Just tonight, just now, I can't handle it. I just had an opp and I will be making him dinner because I feel I need to make peace for disrupting his life. Do you see how wrong this is? I still have my catheter in and I feel like sh#t. My post-opp appointment is only next week Thursday. Am I allowed to take it easy? He's making it impossible to just live.

    I don't see light. I just can't do this tonight.
     
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    wow, the mention of kids there. he wants kids with you? he thinks you want kids?
    he's mistreating you? it doesn't sound it from what you write. just doesn't really know how much you are struggling
    let him know, drop the pride
     
  6. Jecie

    Jecie Active Member

    Thanks Scary.
    Will try that.
     
  7. Jecie

    Jecie Active Member

    You know, this is the one place I can "let it all out" and not have to worry about sounding too rational. Yes, I have a problem acknowledging weekness. Yes, I have a problem asking for help. I am OCD and my obsession is being (or seeming) perfect. Please don't spoil this for me.

    I made dinner in the end and I'm going to bed now. Can't face having to start a serious convo with my husband now.
     
  8. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    aww. have good rest
     
  9. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    Jecie, how long have you been married? I am not a marriage expert by any means.....but if you are unhappy with him, you have to tell him or it will get sooooooo bad for both of you. Please, tell him how you feel.
     
  10. Jecie

    Jecie Active Member

    It's been 9 years Lautanner. I have endometriosis and PCOS. I am the reason we can't get pregnant and I am tired of all the fertility treatment. I just want to love him. I don't care about kids as much as I care about us being happy. Yes, the romance has left the relationship and yes we might not be the giddy young adults we used to be, but I love him dearly.

    I did bring it up in a calm conversation the other evening and he seemed shocked that I suggested he seems like he doesn't care. Scary might have been correct. It's in my head. But then, everything is usually. Hence getting depressed. I don't talk about stuff and I make wrong assumptions about everything around me. I know he loves me. My fault was to come to you guys to vent instead of going to him to make sure of my "facts". It's not him. The observations of that evening was out of a serotonin imbalance that needs correcting.

    I'm still tired, I feel like crying all the time, I think of self-harm almost all day and I just could care less when last I ate a decent meal. I really just can't see the light at the end of the other side of the tunnel. But instead of making it you beautiful people's problem, I'll make an emergency appointment with my doctor. Please forgive me for expecting you Guys to fix it for me. You are the bomb and I owe you so much for just replying to the depressed ramblings of a tired, little girl.
     
  11. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    No need to apologize! I still feel your pain & I don't even have any right to complain... Please do your self a small favor and get something hearty in your stomach. I hope you find relief in very short order. Take Care & Good Luck! :)