I used to pray like most people, asking for the usual selfish things, better job, better relationships, more money, etc. Those prayers went unanswered. I changed my way of praying, asking to just not feel bad and hopeless. Those prayers went unanswered. Now every night I pray that God take me, and every morning I wake up wondering why I have to still be here. I now question the existince of God. I go through the motions most every day, work to pay the bills, cook and clean - do what I have to do. I have tried medication and counseling. I always feel the same way, none of those work. And no one truly cares - not even family members. The words "How are you doing?" are meaningless. If I inidicate the slightest bit that my life is less than satisfactory, people lose interest and don't want to know, don't want to get involved. I have one teenage son who thankfully does not seem to carry this trait of mine. He knows I am depressed a lot, but just chalks it up to mom not liking her job or mom not being able to get a date with anyone. I used to feel I was an attractive woman. The few men I have been with over the last few years have convinced me otherwise. The words "I love you" are meaningless. The only thing that brings me any comfort is the thought that once my son is done with highschool and moves out, I will take my life. I sure as hell cannot imagine living another 30 or 40 years feeling this way.