So tired

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lone_Wolf, Dec 12, 2015.

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  1. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    I feel so tired of feeling the way I do. I've been battling suicidal thoughts for years now and I can't deal with feeling this way anymore.

    This year has been the worse in terms of my mental health. I've attempted several times with just one attempt landing me in the hospital but it turns out that everything I was taking was accumulating inside of me and now they say I will lose my liver if I take anymore pills before February.

    They were wrong because I have continued to take pills in hopes of shutting down my liver but it never works. Nothing works. It's like I was cursed to live.

    I am in college but that will probably end soon since I'm probably going to fail all of my classes. I never felt like getting out of bed and its hard to keep attending and pretending like everything is okay when you don't want to live. I've been self-injuring for 7 years now and I don't think I can stop but at this point I don't want to because it is the only thing that keeps these thoughts from not overwhelming me to the point I just run out in the middle of the highway.

    I feel tired all the time: I usually sleep 10-15 hours a day. Sleeping doesn’t help me feel any less tired though. I don’t like going outside anymore. I feel overwhelmed when I go outside and I feel like I don’t have the energy for it anymore. I constantly have a headache (I tried Aleve, Advil, Tylenol, Excedrin, B complex vitamins but nothing works). I feel like I can’t care anymore. My grades have really gone down but I feel numb to it. I used to be an all “A” student and I worked very hard to get into the university I’m attending but now I feel like I don’t care if I fail out. I just feel numb to it. I don’t really find pleasure in anything. I don’t have any hobbies anymore because I feel like I don’t care enough to do them. I don’t really do much of anything anymore. I don’t see a future anymore. I just feel numb like I’m just going through the motions. The way I would describe it as is more than sadness. I feel numb and hopeless and like there is darkness in the pit of my stomach. I don’t talk to anyone anymore and I avoid people. I don’t have any friends anymore and don’t feel like I have the strength to maintain a friendship anymore. I even feel tired talking to my parents. I don’t feel like eating anymore. It’s something I have to force myself to do. When I feel very sad I have pain in my neck, stomach, chest and head and I can’t stop crying. I feel this pressure in my chest and head but mostly the chest. Sometimes I cry in public. I feel like can’t control when I cry and I don’t know when it’s going to happen. I’ve had to leave class or take a break while working because of crying spells. Sometimes when I’m eating in the cafeteria or studying I’ll just start crying randomly. It also feels like I can’t breathe sometimes and I often have stomach cramps often. When I get angry I can feel my arm and neck tingling. When I get nervous it feels like I’m losing control/ I feel out of body and disoriented, sweating, feels like I’m going to die, I can’t breathe, my stomach cramps, I get shaky, I feel like I’m going to pass out and then I feel disoriented for a few days with a dull headache. Always feel nervous, can’t calm myself

    Lately it has also be very difficult for me to concentrate, and it often takes hours for me to refocus my thoughts. I keep having very dark thoughts, intrusive thoughts (hurting others/myself). Can’t do things very fast anymore, feels like I’ve slowed down. Other people tell me I look tired, serious, sad, very quiet etc.

    Sometimes it just feels like no one cares. I'm told just to "get over it" or that I'm doing it for attention or its just an adjustment period but it is so much more than that. I've had these problems for so many years before I told anyone. I remember as early as being 9 or 10 that I wanted to die. At that point though I did not want to do it to myself I wanted someone else to come kidnap me and kill me but right now I wouldn't mind being the one to kill me and I would prefer it.

    I don't see a future and I can't live this way anymore but most of the time I attempt I fail. I tried this morning and failed. I feel like I'm in limbo and having a breakdown.
     
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  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello there and I just want to say I am really sorry for what you are going through. Sleeping 10-15 hours a day might seem unusual but I need around 12 hours which I know isn't normal either. Have you had blood tests done? maybe for anaemia or anything like that, just a check up? I think you should see your doctor, you sound like you have fallen into the dreadful pit of depression. I think you are alive because you are meant to be. Please stop taking the pills, they will damage your organs. The best advice I can give you is to see a professional and maybe start talking to friends again so that you don't get too lonely and maybe talk to your tutors about your exams, explain the fatigue you have and you might get another chance. I really do feel for you, please keep me updated on how you are. I am always only a message away. You deserve to feel better, good luck.
     
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Lone_Wolf, I know where you are,, I too seem to be falling into the same black pit, I generally wake about 5:30 and sometimes by 8 am I am ready for a nap, I too with several others that I know in here are having constant headaches as well, I have had then all my life, well since the 4th grade anyways I am in my late 60's now, I have generally had problems sleeping never been one to oversleep except when I had to go to school, Most of the people I talk to are in here now, I have dropped out of sight the last few years, the difference is I have lived a life,
    you are just Starting one, I wish I knew what to do and how to help, I guess that I would advise you to see a Dr, have some tests done as Petal suggests, you may have an imbalance in your system or even something as simple as a vitamin deficiency, it does not take much and sometimes depends how you are eating! I shake too and I have been having dizzy spells occasionally , my shaking is a genetic disorder called Benign Essential Tremors My sister and oldest brother both had it, and stress usually aggravates it.as I said it is hereditary I Know how you feel, Please try to get some evaluations see a Dr. as soon as possible would be my advice, Please do not attempt again, I am glad to see that you are still here, talk to someone first, after you have exhausted the Dr and others it still does not mean you can have no life. I would be glad to talk to you and try to give you support and help if you would like, I am sure there are others in here that you know that would help too, Please do not give up, We are here for you Please talk with some people and do something , you as well as I know this will not pass, it will not pass or stop on it's own either! please don't be a victim of your depression, if you would like to talk more you may PM me anytime!
     
  4. I understand where you are coming from. I had to drop out of college myself because of my mental health. I also went from an A student to getting all F's. Dropping out was probably the best thing I could have done because it reduced my stress tenfold. I do plan on going back but not yet.

    I suggest professional help because it sounds like it is not getting better and with all your attempts it would be good for you to contact a professional so you don't try again.

    You have worth.
     
  5. Morris3

    Morris3 New Member

     
  6. Morris3

    Morris3 New Member

    Please make a promise to yourself that you will NOT attempt suicide today. The next time you get up make the promise again. Make it every time you wake. Don't think of it as a long term struggle right now but more as a daily one. You're hanging on the edge of the black abyss and you MUST keep those fingers from slipping. Perhaps I missed it (if so I apologize) but are you on any meds for depression? Seeing a therapist? Just the fact that you wrote you're in college tells me that despite your depression & thoughts, you want to live ~ you want a life. I had my first severe depressive episode in my late 20's & I'm convinced that if I hadn't (in a moment of clarity) run to my doc begging for Prozac, I'd be dead. I was sleeping 10-12 hrs, get up for a few, then back to sleep. I literally slept an entire year away. Failing classes ~ that's not important right now. Your life however is. You need to hang on with every ounce of strength you have & run as fast as possible to your doc. If you don't have one call your local mental health hotline because they have names etc of ppl who can help. And keep posting! We care.
     
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