i'm just so tired. i know i'm not doing well tonight... checked online to find out when high tide is (i live 4 minutes from the river)... listening to music.. thinking "it'd be nice if they played this song at my memorial service..." how fucked up is that? met with a new counsellor today. part of me knows this is my way of fighting back against help. thing is, i'm just so tired. so tired of being alone. so tired of being in pain. so tired of fighting. c.