So tired

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Maxie, Jan 12, 2010.

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  1. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    Hi. I'm in my mid-30s, I've been Disabled with BiPolar since I was a teenager. I also have anxiety and PTSD. I live with my Mom, and I do have a therapist and a pDoc.

    I attempted a week before Thanksgiving. Then,2 weeks before XMas, I wanted to again, but I told my Mom instead. She asked me to call my therapist,and the on-call(it was Sunday) told me to go to the Emergency Room. I guess because it's good to treat the mentally ill like a criminal, particularly if your a hospital Rent-A-Cop who isn't smart enough to shine his shoes but struts around like you just conquered Poland! They released me after a few hours, and I swore I'd never ask for help again. A week later, I told my Mom again, but when I said I refused to go to the hospital, we talked it through again.

    But stuff never ends. Stress never ends. Money, Mom's health, the worthless neighbors with the noise and the fighting. My memories don't stop. I never get any rest.

    I'm seriously thinking of ending it again tonight.

    Please don't tell me to ask for professional help. I won't be treated as a criminal and put through indignities by worthless Rent-A-Nazis again.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    when is your next appointment with the therapist and Pdoc? I know when I have a bad run they make room for me to see them soon, I agree the ER is just to make sure you won't hurt yourself and does not help in the way of giving you ways to deal iwth your pain...are you on meds? you may need them for awhile till you can get better coping skill and such. In the meantime keep posting , it helps and we are here for you.

    Take care, B

    also there is a site called psychcentral that has a forum for those with diabilities I recommend it highly
  3. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member


    I'm sched. to see my therapist Wednesday. I'm on Lithium, plus stuff for my thyroid and cholesterol.

    This site is helping me. I think the real danger point has passed. The pain hasn't.

    I'll keep posting,for shure. :)
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Then try calling a crisis unit or a suicide line. The people there are there for you. To try and help anyway they can. A crisis unit if you have one can take you in. It is a very good plae to get away from all your problems for a while. A good place to go to stay safe from yourself. And they have professional therapist there. They have pdocs on call. You dont have to worry about any rent a cops. Such a different atmosphere or experience than a hospital.

    I think it is so courageous of you to be able to talk to your mom when things get so out of control for you. And she seems to be a pretty undertanding person. Run the idea of a crisis unit by her. Then contact the er and ask for numbers of ones that may be nearby for you to access.

    But if you are in as desperate a place as you are right now...please call the suicide prevention line. Please they only want to help the same as we do here. Try it and post again and let me know how it went?
  5. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    I'll keep posting but I just can't handle calling anyone right now.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey that's fair enough. So feel up to talking about what made tonight feel like the night?

    I hate my bipolar. I hate the swings. No matter what meds the pdocs give me they never seem to give me a nice level. I either swing to a manic high for a short while then smash into a manic low. And those seem to hold on so much longer. I dont think I can remember the last time I was just happy. Not euphoric and afraid of nothing. But just happy. Like a "normal" happy that others get to have. And it is so damn hard to try and pretend with my 4 children. So I've talked to them in length about my mental health issues. Atleast they understand somewhat now. My littlest ones tells people "my moms brain isnt working all the way (lol). But Ihave here. And I can talk all about the things that others dont want to here. I hope you will feel comfortable enough to do that too.
  7. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    Thank you.

    I'll try. Warning:I'm long-winded.

    Tonight was bad more because of the worry about stress caused more stress. The apartment we live in is a dump, we are planning to move soon,and I've started packing stuff, but there is stress from our manager-he rewards the lousy people,lets them keep pets and have loud music and parties, and punishes us because we never miss or are late with the rent and want it quiet and maybe not to have our bathroom flooded with raw sewage. I always get crap from him because we have a lot of stuff in a small apartment, but we lost a 3 Bedroom house when my Dad died and had to settle for this 2 room dump.

    Plus my Mom has like nerve pain in her thigh. She's getting a Doppler scan Thursday and has meds but it still hurts.

    I'm jumpy and irritable at every small or loud noise.

    My cycling is getting really bad again after a couple of years of "remission". 2009 was the worst year I've had since I was 17.

    It just feels like I need a break but I don't ever get one.
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    The noise thing is a bad spot for me too. And really hard to deal with when you have kids aged 18 - 4.

    I'm sorry to hear that your place is the shits. Yeah I hate how it's always the nice guys that finish last. A thought..... one morning as early as you can manage, you and mom head out for a coffee and a doughnut. But before you leave, crank the radio or stereo or TV or whatever you have that will make noise. Best to do this on a early saturday or sunday morning. You know when all the "good" neighbors are trying to sleep off the night before(lol). Who they gonna yell at if you arent there? Ok not a good idea but a very pleasant thought?

    I really hope that the move will do you good. Both you and mom. And I hope that she gets the help she needs to get over the pain. Wow you both must be so incredibly strong . You sure do endure a lot. Hell you're even enduring my stupid suggestion and ramblings(lol).

    On the days you're trying to hang in there and find it hard to do, you've always got a pair of understanding ears here that will listen. And offer whatever advice I have. Yeah the good the bad and even the ugly!!! I dont sugar coat things. Which I'm sure doesnt sit well with some. But I offer what I know and what I hope will work. So anytime you need to vent or just need someone to listen well I'm a pm or post away ok?

    Glad to hear you're doing a little better. Keep posting if it's helping. :arms:
  9. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    Thanks for listening! :) It's really helping.

    I'm a guy, though. No worries! :) I use the name "Maxie" online because my lovely friend Jody gave me that nickname. All the girls I know call me Maxie.

    I do like your idea. I wonder if all my rap-addicted neighbors like Opera? LOL.

    I really appreciate your offer,and I'll take you up on it. :) and I like straight talk, so no worries there either.

    I'm past the crisis point now, I just don't know if I can sleep tonight.
  10. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    I'm going to log off now and try to rest. I'll be back tomorrow. This site is really helping,and thanks again to itmahahn and Bambi for listening!

    I hope I can help someone myself.
  11. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well "maxie" welcome to SF. And I'm glad (really) that you are feeling a little less stressed. Sleep yeah well, I dont do that one well. Since I was about 16 I've gone to bed at about 2am and get up about 6 or 7 am. And I'm ccoouughghg 45 coouuughhh so been many years of little sleep. Has your doc ever prescribed anything to help out with that? I take zopiclone on the nights that I cant sleep (well my version of sleep lol). They are good because they dont knock you right out. And you dont get up with that hung over feeling like most sleep aids. First little while you do wake up with a dry mouth and a sort of tinny taste but that is gone very quickly. Dont take them every night. Just when I really cant fall asleep on my own. Something to think about. But then again you;ve probably tried that too. Honest to God, crossword puzzles. But the easy ones. If they are too hard I get frustrated then really cant fall asleep. But I do a few just as I lay down. By the second or third one I'm dozing off. Dont know why. But works for me.

    Well glad I was able to help you pass the time and get your feelings sorted around a bit. I'm gonna get going for now. But I'm on here quite regularly. So please dont ever hesitate to track me down. Leave me a pm and I will reply as soon as I'm on. Or start a thread. But I meant it, here when you need to vent or even just to get through the tough patches. Keep hanging on . You did a great thing tonight. You did what you could to pull yourself through. Proud of you for not giving up. Til next chat.. be safe please? :arms:
  12. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    Good night,itmahahn. :)

    The same goes for you,OK? PM me or whatever if you need to talk.

    And thank you for everything.
  13. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Dave

    Hope you were able to grab a few hours of sleep last night. And I'm happy that being here helped you through a tough spot.

    On those nights that you cant sleep or the struggle seems to be getting to hard, log in here. A great way to pass some time is to read other threads in forums that interest you. And if you find a member that you seem to relate to drop them a pm. Arcade is another place to just waste some time when being a lone is not a good thing for you. And there is the chat room too. Usually a few members in there regardless of the hour.

    Nice thing about here is that the members are from around the globe. So always someone logged in.

    And I see you posting with advice and support for others here too. Awesome. It really helps to lessen your pain when you can help another member through something that they are really struggling with. Which by the way, thanks for letting me have the oportunity last night. I'm really glad to of met you. Try and catch up with again soon.
  14. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member


    Thanks again!

    It is helping to read and talk with the others,and I hope I can help others too.
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