The minutes turn to hours, which run into days, which multiply into weeks, and soon, morph into months. Been tired for so long, and lately, things are just getting the better of me. 41 years old, and have suicidal thoughts for years, on and off. Last 2 years have been very difficult...lost my father in 2008, got divorced in 2009, lost my job in 2010, unable to find work (not even a nibble) since Jan. Feel the walls closing in, financially. Being ground down with alimony payments, child care, mortgage, etc. Most of my friends have abandoned me like a pariah, no one in my life romantically, am very tired of my current existence. Have sever sleep apnea, never get a good nights sleep, despite corrective surgery and a CPAP mask that I sleep with. Bald and not very attractive, never was a lady's man. No prospects on the horizon, either. Just amazed how quickly my life turned to utter garbage. I don't ever fell "alive" anymore, just as if I exist in a vacuum of joy or emotion. Everything seems grey and bland. Things that used to get my blood flowing no longer do. Have sold or given away most of my possessions, and once a few loose ends are tied up, I am seriously thinking of shuffling on off this place. I am just very worried about the future of this country, and the world in general, and fear that a terrible time is about to set down upon us. While I have tried to be positive and keep a stiff upper lip, I have literally lost all hope in my future. I see nothing but added woe and doom ahead, and honestly, don't think I have the strength, emotionally, to deal with losing my house, my boys, and everything I ever worked for my whole life. Not even sure why I am posting this, perhaps its because I have had a few too many tonight (not a big drinker anymore, but decided to tip a few back tonight). I've read all the inspirational sayings (Light at the end of th tunnel, always darkest before the dawn, etc.), and while they sound nice and all, they really don't do much in the way of comforting me. Think I will have an "accident" cleaning my rifles one day, at least that way, maybe the kids can collect the insurance money, LOL. Or the ex. Hell, she's got or is getting everything anyway. Can I tell you how much I hate divorce laws? And how patently unfair they are? Anyhow, neither here nor there, getting sleepy, tomorrow's Father's Day, got to hit the hay.