Hi, I've battled depression now for 13yrs (I'm 26), I'm just tired of fighting. Do you ever think that being so depressed is the minds way of telling us that it's time to call it a day? Had devastatingly bad news last night....but whist I should be in tears I just feel well kind of numb but fluctuating with thoughts of pure anger towards the person who hurt me and then thoughts of just calling it a day. It's not even despair, just a longing for relief. Problem is, I know I could get relief by giving in to the anger and really going after the person who hurt me but to what end? I love the person, so do I hurt them deliberately or simply end my life which would still devastate them but then at least everything just stops for me? I've wrestled with these thoughts for years and years, this isn't just a reaction to last night but more like, I gave life a chance last time and the time before that and so on - how many chances do it I give it to keep on kicking me?? I'm so lonely too, surrounded by friends yet not one of them I could talk to, such a paradox. Suppose the only thing stopping me is that I haven't got the energy to clean up....I know it sounds bizarre but for my family's sake they couldn't learn of the way I've been living.