So tired.

[Rukia]

I don't know what to do atm. Depression is so bad this morning and the things in my head is on a "hurt Hanne" mission. It's so hard to gather my thoughts, just writing this has taken 30 mins or something.

There is no point in this thread really, I'm just hoping that it will keep me in contact with the real world and not slip into the darkness completely.

 

[total eclipse]

Hi hun glad you are writing it is important to keep reaching out like your are. Can you talk to us more hun The depression will lessen some it comes a nd then goes i have that cycle Are you able to get to your doc and see if meds can be changed some or therapist to talk it will help you. You can pm me anytime okay just want you to know you are not alone h ugs

 

[jxdama]

why dont you come to chat?

 

[Rukia]

Thank you. I saw my doc on tuesday and he upped my dose on Wellbutrin. I told him that the noice had gotten worse, but he wanted to wait with changing anti-psychotics. He said if my depresion lifted, the noice might get less too. Just have to wait until the meds kick in I guess, but the voices have gotten so much worse this week.

Jx - Chat isn't for me, it scares me so much :hiding:

 

[total eclipse]

good for you seeing your doc i would phone let him know the voices are getting worse not better so he knows to up psych meds as well hugs

 

[Rukia]

I might try to get a hold of him after my exam on wednesday. He is almost impossible to reach, because I have to call the office and he might call me back if he has the time. But I kinda doubt he will change them, because he said he didn't want me to change 2 meds at the same time.

 

[total eclipse]

but if he knows how much you are struggling he may change that approach i hope he gets back to you hun soon hugs

 

[HawthornePassage]

Honestly, this sounds horrible, but what helped me (at least initially, though I became existentially depressed instead, which ended up being infinitely more horrible in the long run) was realizing that other people are just as desolate and empty as I felt at the time. They just don't realize it yet. 99% of the 'happiness' and 'relationships' you see out there is pure and utter bullshit, put simply. The true test is when things get difficult. It's much harder to treat people well in the worst of circumstances than the best. Most people fail that test. And I'm not talking about a natural disaster, which is at least more comprehensible to most people...I'm talking about emotional issues which are often poorly comprehended and go entirely beyond the comfort zone of an individual trying to 'help' or supposedly 'listen'.

 

[Rukia]

TE - Maybe he will. If I manage to tell him all. Me and docs don't connect well, I just freeze and just tell them a bit.

HP - Depression is one thing, I'm sick of that too, but my biggest problem atm is that I'm hearing voices and feeling like I'm not in control over myself.

I'm not even allowed to write what I want here tonight.

 

[Kiba]

We are all here for you Rukia. I'm glad you are trying to get some support for yourself. I hope you get what support you need from your doc. And know we are all here for you too. :hug: Take Care

 

[HawthornePassage]

A close friend of mine hears voices. I'm sure I would too if I didn't have such an ironclad rationality that has survived over all these years of pain somehow. It forces you to anchor down into reality even though your mind is screaming to get out. But it comes at a heavy price, which it took me awhile to realize. I guess I could just say the typical things to try to anchor things down, but that's not such a black and white 'good' thing....in the end you have to find out the root cause of the problem (which means lots of painful introspection), and have to do so with support of empathetic people (which is very difficult).

 

[Rukia]

Dragon_Blood - Thank you :hug:

HawthornePassage - I get what you mean. But. My last psych said I'm too sane to be psychotic. I know the voices aren't real, that the feeling of not being in control isn't real and that lots of the sounds I'm hearing isn't there. There are so much talking in my head right now, but I can still say I know it's not real. It doesn't matter that I'm in touch with reality when it still happens.