So today I could do ‘it’, yesterday there was a feeling of hope

[Hopeiseverything]

I will just say that right now if I had a weapon it could be tempting. Yesterday, I felt pretty ‘good’ and somewhat hopeful. What the hell? How does one ’live’ like this? I just wish somehow someway I would go naturally and be put out of this misery. I cannot kill myself for a number of reasons...I fear I will mess that up and then will Be even more embarrassed and ashamed, I will devastate my family and I will go to hell.
I am doing erp which includes imaginal exposures....and the exposures are pure hell.
question...how the heck does anyone continue on like this?

 

[Were all together]

It's an everyday journey. Like @Nick33 stated in the other post, you just learn to live with it and hopefully control it. There will be days you feel you're completely free of it. Maybe, even days. Then, out of the blue, it strikes again. It's happened to me multiple times. That's why medication is helpful to keep you on a steady course. That and of course therapy.