So today..

[wheresmysheep]

I had a plan,it involved trains and bridges. i'm sure you follow.

and i was going to go after therapy. but just before therapy i got a call from my mum. my granddad was being taken to hospital, and he is now currently going through 4 blood transfusions and something else. cat scans or mris or something along those lines to look at his organs.

i feel numb to it all. i feel like i shouldn't be here now. like i was meant to go.but i am here.
nothings working, its just covering everything, its not helping i've said it but they just nod and say 'it can feel like that for a while.'
oh so untill i get accustomed to your drugs you have me on.

i'm in pain

 

[WildCherry]

I'm sorry you're going through so much. I hope your grandad's going to be okay.
Here if you ever need to talk. I hope you don't go through with what you had planned.

 

[*dilligaf*]

I'm glad you posted about this :hug:

Like I said earlier, I am here for you anytime hun, hope some hugs help a little ...

:hug: :hug:

 

[aki]

:sad: :hug:

 

[Petal]

:hug: Emma,I'm so glad you're still with us. Take each day as it comes,we're here for you, all the time ..

I hope your granddad gets well soon xx

 

[Vitreledonellidae]

Emma dont allow those kind of thoughts in your head, or at least dont consider them, i want you here, i want you alife :sad: Yes it sounds selfish me wanting that, because i know youre going through so much pain. But im just sure things will get better for you, it has to be, someone amazing as you, has to have an amazing life, maybe not now, but one day. It just has to be, otherwise im going to kill the twat who people call god You need to try to find something that will make you feel good. I know you used to ride horse, maybe try that again and if you cant find a horse to ride on, come over for a holiday or something and ride on mine. Im saying unexpected things these days, arent I :unsure:
:hug:

 

[wheresmysheep]

thank you everyone. sincerely thank you. i'm still not feeling the best i feel lost really.
in regards to my granddad he has some form of ulcer, they reckon its about 2 years old. so its big. dunno what will happen now, me i am just living moment to moment i'm really thankful for your support guys. :hug: thank you

 

[~Claire]

I'm glad you're still here too hun :hug:. How long have you been on your meds for now?

I hope your Grandad gets better soon as well.

Thinking of you xx

 

[wheresmysheep]

i've been on one med 4 weeks, and the other 2weeks.
on a side note, my mum came into me today and said she now belives that i am depressed, and knows i'm not lying now. maybe this shock with grandad has effected her in a semi positive way.
and he's stable but is internally bleeding and also not eating much.

 

[wheresmysheep]

i'm sitting my drivers theory test on wednesday, and i just dont see what the point is. every time i work towards something i get let down. mainly through no fault of my own but still. i just cant take any knocks. which is unfair for me to say, as everyone has to take whats thrown at them. but i cant handle it. i just want to do nothing.

 

[Celebrated Thing]

Like everyone who posted before, I hope your grandad will be ok, Im very glad your still here, and if you need to talk just let me know and I can. I know a little of how it feels to just not be able to stand any more crap raining down. And I freaking hate it when I look foward to anything just to have it come crashing down. Its not fair and it just keeps getting harder to deal with the constant disapointments. But dont blame yourself, instead give yourself credit for your perseverence. I wish I had better answer besides that Im going through some similar things. If you need to vent feel free to pm any time.

When I feel like its all broke down over me, I like to make my bed, put my hair into a ponytail, wash my face, and put on lipstick(or chapstick, preferably glittery), and walk around listening to my favorite soundtrack(currently is Watchmen and Velvet Underground). Weird? Yes. But it oddly, it works for me. Might be worth a try? Hope it helps a little and hope things get better for you.

 

[~Claire]

Good luck for Wednesday hun.

I hope your Grandad is doing better too.

I know they say anti depressants can take 6 weeks to kick in but if there hasn't been any change after a few weeks then maybe you should ask to change to another one. I vaguely recall a psych saying to me once that if there was no improvement after 2/3 weeks then chances are it wouldn't happen as there should be slight changes after a few weeks but it can take up to 6/8 for the full benefit to be seen.