The last 5 months i have been suffering with depression. It started when my boyfriend of 3 years tried to kill himself twice in the space of 3 weeks and as a result social services were contacted and my son was placed in my mums care. Since I had to let my son stay with my mum I became depressed, I don't get on well with my mum it was really difficult. I started to pull my hair out and hit myself. My son is back in my care now but the social keep coming round, and it is still getting to me. My boyfriend and I argue and he always tells me I'm worthless and ugly and im a bad mum, I have no self confidence so i believe him, I feel i can't even talk to a doctor because i might lose my son. I have contemplated suicide so many times and now I feel like going to the nearest lake and just walking in. I don't want to leave my son, but how can I be a good mum if all i want to do is die?