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So unsure

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by rivkahlynn, Jun 28, 2012.

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  1. rivkahlynn

    rivkahlynn New Member

    I am new here and I am so sorry to start off this way, but I am really unsure what to do or where to turn. I have suffered for years with mental health issues, they started even as a child i would tell my mom I wanted to die... I was only 4. I am not sure when it really hit me but I think by the age of 12 I just didn't want this life any more. I have survived to 28, though I feel only by the skin of my teeth. I have had several attempts, and one almost fatal. Saddly here I am back in the place where hope seems to have eluded me and I just don't see how things could get better. I feel so selfish in saying this because I know I have more than most. I have a wonderful BF who loves me dearly, though I feel that is tainted by my abusive ex husband who I can't seem to get divorced from and his crazy ex wife who he can't see to get a divorce from. I am supposed to be going to school in the fall to work in health care, but I just don't know if I can do it. I am petrified. No one seems to understand this. I have been working so hard to make things better, to show people that I am more than my dx. However here I am sitting and wondering if I could just escape. My biggest issue I think right now with wanting to leave this life is that I am a Christian. I have always struggled with the idea that I would go to hell... but often wondered if God would just look at the amount of pain I am in and forgive me. Now I know not everyone is going to believe the same as me so please forgive me if I am sounding offensive. This is just my internal struggle.

    I'm so unsure....
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Have you gotten professional help, like meds or a therapist or something?

    Going to your gp and saying you've been feeling down would be a good start I think.
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