So useless can't even kill my self!

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by GoldenPsych, Feb 11, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    It didn't work. I took a lot of sleeping tablets last night with alcohol and it didn't work. A friend of mine had seen what I wrote online and called an ambulance. It didn't require treatement as I threw them all up.

    When I knew I had to go to hospital even after denying i had taken anything I thought I would be able to cut an artery in my arm so I hid a blade in my bra. I have never cut my arm before. Also when you are in hospital really not a good place to cut if you wanna bleed to death as they come find you. They found me in the toilet with blood pouring out my arm. So they stitched that up. I told them I took the pills to die and i cut so that I would die and they just accepted it. When asked if i had any plans to do it again I basically said to them well if i say yes you are going to make me stay. I was already forced to come to hospital and I dont want to be forced to stay. Don't know what they took that as.

    I tldmy bf that i slipped while carrying a knife. Just hope he believes me. I hav never cut my arm before so i can deny is as i usually cut my leg as can hide it!
     
  2. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a terrible experience, but I am glad you are alive.

    Have you thought about being honest with your bf and talking to him openly about how you feel?
     
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    goldenpsych, my friend, what will it take for you to get the help you desperately need. Yes, the hospital is weird and awful, believe me, I've been there. But it can also be a place that keeps you safe until the tide turns on this.

    I also left the hospital, but I wasn't sent away to deal on my own. Straight away the mental health nurse came for a home visit. Straight away I was assigned a shrink. I have meds and professional support. 1% of me knows that 99% of me is trying to die, but that 1% will take any lifeboat in the storm. All I have to do is be honest. Some days I'm not getting better, and some days I feel I'm making some progress. It's mayb 95% vs 5% today. Hey, that's progress and I'm cheering.

    You want to die. But a part of you wants to live for the simple fact that you are still here, living, breathing, among us. Among friends.

    Will your boyfriend be more mad at you for attempting, or if you succeed in killing yourself without ever giving him the chance to support you? He can't fix it. Nobody can but you. But let him love you.

    I know you were supposed to see the doc and get another counselling referral... what's the update on that? Did the hospital send you away with NO support? If so, let me come over there and kick somebody's ass....

    Please, it's time to get honest with those you love, and those you trust. Your life depends on it. You *can* get better. Dont' give up yet,

    Catherine
     
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    They just said someone will be in contact. Got appointment with my doc tomorrow. I will tell him everything and see what he says. I have seen a psychiatrist at the hospital previously and she said that they were only short term care at the hospital as like a cricis thing but she would write to my dr suggesting something more long term. I suppose I will find out tomorrow.
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    Wishing you luck today at the doctor's appointment. Don't forget... you just have to be honest. Tell him (her?) about *all* the recent attempts, trips to the hospital. You can say "most of the time I want to die.... but a very small part of me knows i just don't want this pain anymore and I'd do anything to make it stop." You could say ..." in24 hours I think about suicide ....... of the time" and fill in the blanks.

    There are *options* other than admission to the hospital and be open to what he offers. If he offers meds, or new meds tell him about the danger of overdosing. Ask about outpatient services, community nursing, or a day clinic you could pop into.

    I've probably overwhemed you right now but just print this out and take it with you, LOL

    Wait .... you're an academic... you're good at taking notes! Just kidding...

    Let me know how it goes?

    C.
     
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Doc is still waiting on letter from psychiatrist. Considering it is prob the closet surgery to the hospital it is silly it takes so long when they use internal mail between them all. I mentioned what she had said snd he is going to wait for the letter. The counsellor I saw yesterday is going to have a chat with him this afternoon about things and see wht she suggests. He knows what is going on as everytime i have been to the hospital it gets updated at the doctors as they send him a letter after I have been in A+E. So gotta go back in a couple of weeks to see what is going on.

    In terms of medication etc I have only been on the venoflaxine (not sure of correct spelling) 3 weeks now so need to give those a go. I am not sleeping at the moment so he suggested taking them at night as is some sedative in them yet the person who originally prescribed them said have them first thing in am as will affect sleep. I dont know what to do really. I think I will take them about lunch time sort of between the 2. If I am still not sleeping in a couple of weeks I am going to ask him for some sleeping pills. I cant continue like this.
     
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