so very tired

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Beindaz, Jan 20, 2016.

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  1. Beindaz

    Beindaz Member

    I am almost 30 years old and have been struggling with depression for over a decade (since I was 16) and struggling with sexual desire for just as wrong. No matter how much improvement I make something happens and it all comes crashing down. Over and over for more than a decade. I am just so very tired of it all. I want to die. I want to be free from the struggle and the brokeness, but I never seem to work up the nerve to take my own life. Instead I keep just hoping to die randomly one of these days.

    I don't know if I am looking for answers with this post....I am just so very tired of all the struggles.
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    There are days when everyone feels the way you do now, unfortunately, it is called life and the best that we can do is try and make the best of a bad situation. I am sorry that right now you feel that you have arrived at a point in your life where you just want everything to stop, but if you did that, then you would also miss out on a lot of joy that could and will come your way later in life.
    I am not saying it is bad that you want things to end, because I know just where you are coming from, having those same exact thoughts myself at times, but the true test of one's character is foghting through those times of self doubt and keep forging on, even if you feel like it is a never-ending struggle. That you have not yet fallen to the temptation of trying to take your own life (be it because you have not worked up the nerve to do so or simply being afraid of the act itself) should be considered a testament that you know somewhere deep within you that no matter how hard things get, you still hold a little spark of hope that something in your life will change for the better for you.

    If you ever wish to talk anytime, day or night (since I am on-line the majority of the time) and feel like talking because you going through moments of self doubt, know you are always welcome to send me a private message, i cannot promise that I can fix these feelings and thoughts you have, but I can at least provide you with an ear of comfort and keep you company through some of the more difficult times.
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  3. Beindaz

    Beindaz Member

    Thanks Moat.

    On the whole my life is very good, but there are two areas (chronic depression and sexual temptation) that won't seem to go away no matter how much therapy I do or drugs I take (I've been on several different antidepressants since I was diagnosed). It just feels like the only thing that will end these two struggles is suicide.

    Several years ago, after the last drug change seemed to only partially improve things, I began thinking that my depression is terminal. That is, I may postpone suicide, but someday depression will lead me to take my own life.

    I just want to be free from the dark clouds hanging over my life.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I think we all have this image that normal people are happy every day (not judging or saying you so) and we are in misery all the time, life seems so unfair, we all have bad days even those normal folks, it is totally okay to but on the upside depression is very treatable but it involves hard work, patience and the mind set. What kind of help have you sought? Or plan to seek?
    3 people like this.
  5. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    The word "tired" does not even begin to describe it. It is merely a nuance of what depression feels like. you are not alone. The struggle (pardon the lame saying) is real. happiness is a pursuit not a destination. its not just a constant state of mind. hang in there :)
  6. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    Those darn normal people and their smiling faces :p
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