Life can be so cruel, I was a very big loner throughout high school, and after I graduated things started to look up, I made a couple of friends, I started to socialize a bit better and stuff. I still got sad time to time but I at least knew that things were getting better. Fast forward 2 years, I'm 20 years old I really dont have any good friends, the friends I do have only talk to me if I talk to them first, basically if I just stopped talking to them and moved away they probably would never hear of it and forget about me. I'm so lonely all I ever do it go to my classes, work, and play video games, thats it with the exception of a fun time every couple of months or so... Maybe my love life has spurred all this depressed...I have a girlfriend, she's chinese and lives in china so its long distance, I love her to death but I'm starting to really get depressed about not being able to see her in real life. Sure Im probably gonna plan to fly out to see her, but what then? sigh. I guess because I've gotten so lonely I started developing feelings for this girl I've started becoming friends with, we've hanged out twice and I started liking her but now she treats me like crap and likes another guy who barely even talks to her I just dont understand it. I guess I feel guilty about going behind my gf's back as well...crap I guess I'm a pretty horrible person, but im so lonely that if everything goes to hell I at least want her around...and if I break up with her she wont talk to me anymore:sad:. So in a way I guess she's become my back up plan, gosh whats wrong with me:sad: I just want a stable lifestyle, hang out with friends twice a week, college, work, couple of phone calls from old friends a week, stable and loving relationship. But alas I've never been have to have any of that and it's really starting to destroy me inside I feel like I could go on for ages, but I dont want to bore you guys with a wall of text.