So very tired...

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Life can be so cruel, I was a very big loner throughout high school, and after I graduated things started to look up, I made a couple of friends, I started to socialize a bit better and stuff. I still got sad time to time but I at least knew that things were getting better. Fast forward 2 years, I'm 20 years old I really dont have any good friends, the friends I do have only talk to me if I talk to them first, basically if I just stopped talking to them and moved away they probably would never hear of it and forget about me. I'm so lonely all I ever do it go to my classes, work, and play video games, thats it with the exception of a fun time every couple of months or so...

Maybe my love life has spurred all this depressed...I have a girlfriend, she's chinese and lives in china so its long distance, I love her to death but I'm starting to really get depressed about not being able to see her in real life. Sure Im probably gonna plan to fly out to see her, but what then? sigh. I guess because I've gotten so lonely I started developing feelings for this girl I've started becoming friends with, we've hanged out twice and I started liking her but now she treats me like crap and likes another guy who barely even talks to her I just dont understand it. I guess I feel guilty about going behind my gf's back as well...crap I guess I'm a pretty horrible person, but im so lonely that if everything goes to hell I at least want her around...and if I break up with her she wont talk to me anymore:sad:. So in a way I guess she's become my back up plan, gosh whats wrong with me:sad:

I just want a stable lifestyle, hang out with friends twice a week, college, work, couple of phone calls from old friends a week, stable and loving relationship. But alas I've never been have to have any of that and it's really starting to destroy me inside:(

I feel like I could go on for ages, but I dont want to bore you guys with a wall of text.


Staff Alumni
Hi there anyone in your classes that you can ask to have a cup of coffee with, to meet after class, etc., or someone you can study with, etc? Are there any clubs in your school that might attract someone you would share interests with? Maybe this is a way to find company that would not conflict with your feelings for your gf. Just a thought and best of luck to you

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi finley anyway you can get on computer set time everyday and just chat to gf hun let her know how much you miss her I agree with Sadeyes join some clubs okay at the college. get int some activities where you will meet new people okay make new friends hugs to you
My gf works all kinds of crazy hours, the company she works for schedules her on over night shifts and day shifts, plus shes across the world so planning when we can see eachother can get tough. Well I checked my schools website, it's a community college so it doesn't exactly offer too much, but I did find a christian club and a GLBTQ+allies club plus some other random clubs, but none of them really seemed like something I'd be interested in lol. I won't give up though.
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