So what do you do when there's nothing?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by caesarsmom, Mar 6, 2014.

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  1. caesarsmom

    caesarsmom New Member

    I guess I'm too old to be thinking about this stuff at 41. I have no kids, asked for a divorce in October and the only thing I have is a management job I love. Unfortunately, I'm a new manager and am making a lot of mistakes. I committed (at least in my head) career suicide, which now leaves nothing for me. My friends are work friends and I hardly ever see my family. I've created a world that's really lonely and if I'm not at work, I have nothing. I just am by myself and it desperately reminds me that no one would ever know if I died until I didn't show up at work.

    There's really no purpose for me on earth. I'll never be a mom, I'm not anything special to anyone, and I may never advance in my job either. I feel like waste of space on earth right now. My boss told me I need to find a work/life balance because I work too much. Essentially, I think he was telling me to get a life. I don't have one right now. I don't think I care anymore either.

    I just don't see how things are going to get better. The one area of my life where I had hope now doesn't feel that hopeful to me at all. If I knew of a sure fire way to commit suicide without being messy or making someone find me, I'd do it.

    I feel like I just go through life apologizing for my existence.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I do not think you are too old to be thinking about this stuff. That is roughly the age when I started having real issues with depression , which were also largely work related when I became unable to to work anymore because of physical reasons.

    There is nothing wrong with being career oriented and for work to be the focus of you life and even social life, just like there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home parent and have no real life outside the home. It is all just what works for any individual. Clearly with a divorce in the works and a new position at work you are under a tremendous amount of pressure.

    I do not know what you did at work to think you ruined your career but the statement your boss made about working too much could easily be taken as being a boss that understood the pressure you are under or are putting on yourself and they just trying to be fair and let you know it is okay to not put so much pressure on yourself. I would be far more concerned if I were you and they were accusing you of not putting enough effort into work.

    With the stress you are under right now, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional and see about getting some help through counselling to deal with the stress of the divorce or possibly meds to deal with the depression. It could be very easy to get a little boost to get things into a place where you can cope well again or as a temporary measure while adjusting to the divorce and new position. If you want more of a social life there are many people here that have struggled with thta as well and may have some ideas you could try.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi caesarsmom sorry to hear you are struggling so and that you have isolated yourself some. Is there anything you can do for YOU take a course that brings you joy like music or art or photography just something that will connect you to people in a fun way. You are not to old hun i am old lol and the depression it takes over and without help it can take you down.
    Please reach out to your doc ok get some treatment plans so you can feel more better ok about you hugs
     
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