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So what keeps everyone here (on this earth)...

#1
Ok...let me see if I can word this properly...we are all here for the same reason....to find support because of what the pain and suffering that trauma or guilt or shame has done to us or perhaps it is a chemical imbalance. Some have been hospitalized...some, like me, have tried every medication and therapy on God’s green earth. But really what it comes down to Is resolving the root issue...unless of course it is truly a chemical imbalance...which in my case it is not...it’s situational.

So, I guess my question is....how does one just keep doing...does the root issue ever get resolved where you learn to live with it and ‘exist’? What keeps someone from saying ‘I have had enough’? is it the sheer desire to keep living or as in my case (Though I do want to keep living just not like this), is it the fear of death and going to hell or what it would do to my family...the pure devastation of what suicide does to loved ones.

Thank you all...
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#2
Ok...let me see if I can word this properly...we are all here for the same reason....to find support because of what the pain and suffering that trauma or guilt or shame has done to us or perhaps it is a chemical imbalance. Some have been hospitalized...some, like me, have tried every medication and therapy on God’s green earth. But really what it comes down to Is resolving the root issue...unless of course it is truly a chemical imbalance...which in my case it is not...it’s situational.

So, I guess my question is....how does one just keep doing...does the root issue ever get resolved where you learn to live with it and ‘exist’? What keeps someone from saying ‘I have had enough’? is it the sheer desire to keep living or as in my case (Though I do want to keep living just not like this), is it the fear of death and going to hell or what it would do to my family...the pure devastation of what suicide does to loved ones.

Thank you all...
I think it is developmental. First it is hope, don’t want to hurt loved ones, fear of death, fear of God, obligations. Then by 60 when all those reasons don’t exist I start the process of moving closer to it.
 
#3
I think it is developmental. First it is hope, don’t want to hurt loved ones, fear of death, fear of God, obligations. Then by 60 when all those reasons don’t exist I start the process of moving closer to it.
i am 62 and all those reasons still exist for me...so that’s the problem. Just cannot destroy my family. Short of taking a benzo every day, which as we know you cannot, I sort of want this all to end...though I don’t...if that makes sense.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#4
i am 62 and all those reasons still exist for me...so that’s the problem. Just cannot destroy my family. Short of taking a benzo every day, which as we know you cannot, I sort of want this all to end...though I don’t...if that makes sense.
Makes perfect sense. You want live not in pain.
 
#8
Now how to resolve that pain?
Exactly......that is the difficult part. My story is complex. I was normal until 3 years ago when I experienced trauma. The on.y ‘solution’ for me is a medication that works similar to a benzo...which we know does not exist....essentially I feel pretty much doomed...
 
#9
I think over time people can become desensitized to their situation/problems so find it easier to live with, I'm sure deep down they still care but they become numb to it so it doesnt effect them as much and it's not quite as hard to keep going, or maybe as time goes on new things distract them. Most probably keep going for the people and animals they love and the small things they find joy from. I personally dont know really, I've always felt doomed and am sure I am for multiple reasons but I keep going cause I feel like I have no choice. I've become desensitized to a lot over years and have mostly accepted life unlikely will get better and I've mostly made peace with that and tried to tell myself that's just how it is for me. It hurts deep down but I do pretty well at not focusing on it for the most part but sometimes it will come to the front of my mind again and I'll get really depressed and anxious. I guess it's either making peace with it somehow, or waiting it out until things improve. *hug
 
#10
I think over time people can become desensitized to their situation/problems so find it easier to live with, I'm sure deep down they still care but they become numb to it so it doesnt effect them as much and it's not quite as hard to keep going, or maybe as time goes on new things distract them. Most probably keep going for the people and animals they love and the small things they find joy from. I personally dont know really, I've always felt doomed and am sure I am for multiple reasons but I keep going cause I feel like I have no choice. I've become desensitized to a lot over years and have mostly accepted life unlikely will get better and I've mostly made peace with that and tried to tell myself that's just how it is for me. It hurts deep down but I do pretty well at not focusing on it for the most part but sometimes it will come to the front of my mind again and I'll get really depressed and anxious. I guess it's either making peace with it somehow, or waiting it out until things improve. *hug
Interesting concept. I think my problem is that I was once quite ‘normal’ so this trauma really threw me for a loop. I cannot see ever getting better until I accept what has happened, what I have done or find that magic pill....the one we all want. I have spoken with God and have asked him to take me if there is no chance of getting well.
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#11
When I was younger, there were things that I wanted - goals to achieve. Self-imposed goals but goals none-the-less. They gave me purpose. Focus. Something I could cling on to in the dark days although they brought their own share of misery with them (as such things often do). Now that I'm older, all the things I'd wanted have been done - or at least as done as they can be. All I have now is the long slow inexorable march of time taking me closer to the day when I can go and not have it be my fault. I think that's the last hurdle.

Not sure if that answers your question - or even makes sense.
 
#12
When I was younger, there were things that I wanted - goals to achieve. Self-imposed goals but goals none-the-less. They gave me purpose. Focus. Something I could cling on to in the dark days although they brought their own share of misery with them (as such things often do). Now that I'm older, all the things I'd wanted have been done - or at least as done as they can be. All I have now is the long slow inexorable march of time taking me closer to the day when I can go and not have it be my fault. I think that's the last hurdle.

Not sure if that answers your question - or even makes sense.
Sort of answers it....I have a grandchild coming that month. seeing her is a goal...i had lots of goals before trauma entered my life...before I hurt someone I love..etc. They are all history now.
 

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