So when do you give up on thinking it'll end?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by zbucket, Nov 3, 2006.

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  1. zbucket

    zbucket Member

    Twenty years now, twenty bloody long stupid years. I was nine when I first hurt myself. Didn't have a clue what it was all about at the time, just when I burnt myself my mates thought it was tough, made me feel cool. Now twenty years have past and I'm stuffed. I can't go to the beach, can't take my shirt off, can't have a relationship with a girl as they really do freak out when they see me naked, don't blame them, I'd feak out if I was with a girl who looked like me.

    I can explain away the cuts on my face as a car accident and people believe that. The chest, legs and arms people don't see, so that's not a really big deal. I've just finished cleaning up my new habbit. Now I can't stop cutting my skull. I have a shaved head and for some dumb reason now every time I shave my head I have to cut it. When do you quit? How many years have to pass before you realise that it just isn't going to change? I don't expect it to get worse or better, just to keep being the way it is.

    I've got a .308
    Twenty years of shit. It could just end in a muzzle flash. I don't want to die, don't think I really ever have wanted to. But life just keeps going on the way it always has. I have no doubts whatsoever that there is no life after death, so after that one shot it would be all over. I wouldn't have to spend another twenty years hoping that life will change. One click and peace.
     
  2. zbucket

    zbucket Member

    Now there is something to think about. 40 odd posts, all of them responding to others who were down, but when I post for the first time something about me...nothing. Guess I'm not that welcome here after all.
     
  3. Come What(Ever) May

    Come What(Ever) May Well-Known Member

    Yea I know what you mean...it amazes me how there are 20+ responses to some threads. I just come here to type shit out that I need to get off my chest because I know it doesnt matter what I say here. It's just a place to be comfortable knowing you got something out in the open.
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Z, have u ever had any treatment for your self-harming?
     
  5. Twenty years IS a long time but a life usually lasts three or four times longer than that. If you haven't got help for your self harming now is the time to do it.......as you enter the next decade of your life. Make it a decade of change...for the better. You said you started self harming because your mates thought it was cool. When did the reasons change? Why do you cut now?
     
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