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So why should I live, again?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kunera, Nov 3, 2009.

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  1. Kunera

    Kunera Well-Known Member

    I've always felt like I've been a pretty hollow person. I've also heard that one of my problems is that I can't be intimate with myself, which probably has a lot to do with that. My existence is pretty pointless, being that I do pretty much whatever my superiors in life want me to do. Schoolwork from teachers, chores from parents, etc. When I'm not doing that, I'm probably playing video games, or not really doing anything productive. Then again, I have a hard time believing anything I do is productive, as I can't seem to believe that anything will matter whenever I inevitably face death.

    So my plan for trying to feel some sort of purpose in life was to try to find a girl, to cherish her, and do everything in my power to make her happy. Maybe then I could find happiness, or at least cover up the fact that I'm not finding any fulfillment in life.

    Thing is, girls just aren't interested in someone like me. If anything, they'll want to be friends, but never any closer. Why? Because I'm a doormat, so to speak. Nobody wants a spineless partner that just lets them walk all over them all the time. I've yet to meet anyone interested in such a person, and I doubt I ever will. As far as I've seen, a guy like me, the kind of person that's more of the shy, submissive type, is just plain SOL.

    You'd think that maybe, for every guy like me, there's a more outspoken, dominant girl to complement us, right? From what I've seen, no. There's the more shy, submissive girls that just probably couldn't get an emotional connection with someone so similar in that way, and the girls that are strong enough to be dominant simply don't need such a weak guy at their side, right? They probably want an equally strong, if not stronger guy instead.

    And where does that leave me in the equation? Nowhere. My one reason I could think of that would make it all worthwhile is pretty much thrown out the window.

    So, why should I live again?
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Are you in high school? I do know that trying to find happiness with a girlfriend will only compound problems. Why just have a girlfriend when you can have lots of girls who are friends. A friendship that becomes close down the road is awesome. These things take time. It's a journey, not a destination. Living life is experiencing the journeys.

  3. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Dude you haven't finished school yet, your life hasn't even begun. You have many years ahead of you to find a girl, and would probably be better off going without in your school years, this will give you more time to think about what a girl really wants. And if you don't know, ask some girls and they'll tell you. Not every girl wants a muscly macho man, some want somebody who is sweet and sensitive and kind. Strive to be someone like this, and be patient. I know how hard it is, I only had one girlfriend through all my years in high school, and it only lasted a few weeks. It was hard, but it didn't kill me. Whatever you do, don't tell a girl that you're nice and kind and whatever else, this will put her off because you told her, instead of her finding out for herself, and saying that stuff makes you seem desperate. Women hate desperation. Just be yourself, and enjoy being young and free of obligations like working and paying bills. Besides, the longer you wait, the more you will appreciate having a girlfriend when you get one, and it might make you a better boyfriend. Good luck to you.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    i agree with both of replies.

    your still in school. you cant just go start a relationship so you can find you purpose. you need to find out who you are first. like tobes said, your life hasnt even begun.
    in todays age ... the only intrest most guys have is in playing video games.
    starting a relationship for your reasons ... would be false.
    in order for you to develop interests you have to have the desire to get out and explore. there are far to many ppl going through the MOTIONS in a relationship .. just to have someone and it usually ends up bad.

    maybe put down the gaming for awhile and see what your missing outside.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Chargette that you should build friendships with some of these girls.. When I was in school half my friends were girls.. To be honest I preferred there company rather than my male friends..They say girls mature faster than guys.. I beleive there is something to that.. Who knows with having them as friends maybe one will take notice that you are a sensitive careing individual and want to carry that friendship farther.. By all means don't let them know you are desperate..Thats a sure fire way to have them retreat from you..
  6. Kunera

    Kunera Well-Known Member

    I appreciate the advice, I really do, but a lot of it, I've already tried, and frankly, it hasn't really worked. Mainly, I'm talking about things like trying to make friends, going out and doing things, and such. Obviously, I haven't found myself, or I wouldn't have nearly as many of these problems that I do.

    I'd like to think that if I kept trying, things would eventually work out, but it's like the times where you try to open a door, and it's locked. You can try again, but it's still locked. And again, and again, and again. Before you know it, the last few hundred times you tried to open the door, it's been locked. Something could have changed, this time someone could have unlocked the door, but from what you can see, you may as well just try to find a different approach, or give up on opening the door, as it will most likely be locked again.

    Maybe I do just have to wait it out, and hope for the best. The thing is, after years of being rejected, years of not really being able to answer the question "Who are you?," years of disappointment, years of having few friends (close friends, that I can actually consider such, I just can't count people that almost never talk to me), and so on, I just can't help but think, "You know, things really haven't been that great, why should I expect everything to jump up and get better all of a sudden?"

    The fact that no matter what I do, I really don't have control over these problems, is probably the root of my suicidal thoughts. The whole girl issue, as much as it's on my mind, is really just the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.
  7. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I like your locked door analogy, but I would put it a slightly different way. I would say that the door is locked, and you have to find the key to open it, not wait for somebody else to unlock it. And if you can't find the key after months or years or searching, move onto another door, because there are hundreds of them.

    I hope you find your key.
  8. Kunera

    Kunera Well-Known Member

    That's an even better way of putting the analogy, thanks for the replies. I just wonder how many keys and doors I can go through before I get sick of the trial and error process, as it's gotten old rather quickly in the first place.

    After all, there's that point where it feels much easier to just say "screw it," and give up. Whether or not it's justified is a matter that nobody will ever agree on, but the fact that the feeling is there for such a thought is something everyone has to admit.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    im not sure what happened in your past. i do know, you can have control over your problems. it many times, isnt the problem, its how we deal with them.

    keep in mind i dont know the full story. you have to find out who you are first. you have to change the way you think about yourself first. things wll not change until you do. keep in mind that no matter how you change, it takes time. things have been this way for a while .. its gunna take a while for you to see results. but you have to remove yourself from that which holds you back. it took along time for me to be able to change the way i thought. you have to do it one thing at a time. before you know it, your whole outlook will be different. i know this to be true. i used to be a very negative thinking person. i still have my moments, but dont we all ??

    by the age of 18, i grew into hating ppl. long story short, i now tolerate.
    big difference. i had to look at the situation or the person that pissed me off differently. i had to realize that no matter what the situation .. i always survived. hell i couldnt even commit suicide.
    you talk about a few close friends .. im almost 50 and i had ONE true friend. he passed away jan of 05.

    i lost a what i thought was a good friend when i came out to this state in april of this year, and i gained 2 very good friends.
    it doesnt matter how many you have or for how long .. its the quality of the friendship that matters.
    you must also realize that .. if you dont expect much from a friend, chances are you wont be any better of a friend than they are. not in all cases but the point is, if you dont have it, you cant give it.
    i dont have many ppl that i hold conversations with. even with my new friends theres not a whole lot. but we dont have to second guess each other.
    we dont always need that talking time .. ya know what i mean ?
    my suggestion is, get to the real root of your issues, im sure its related to your past.

    dont give up on yourself. as many times that i wished i would and tried, i kept going. when i came to grips with what was ... i was able to find myself. sometimes i still wonder, but things are a lot better than they were.

    you have to find the pain and deal with it. you have to remove yourself from the mindset that your in right now. because if you dont, nothing is ever going to change. change isnt always going to be what you want, but it damn sure can get you out of where your at.

    hang in there.
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