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So why?

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Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#1
So I have been wondering to myself today. Why do I hesitate when trying to take my life? Why why why why? I mean I have expressed a clear desire to die. I want nothing more in this world than to die. Yet for some reason I don't I suffer day in and day out wanting to die wanting to end it all. I go through the motions trying to ease the pain of living everyday and for some reason I fail everyday.... everyday I lack inspiration to do it I can think of 100 ways to do it but I cannot do it. But I cannot muster up the courage or will to do it. I find excuses and flaws in my plans in my current location. I want to know why I cannot do it... cause existing, even going through the motions, hurts more and more everyday. :sad:
 

helena

Staff Alumni
#4
...and maybe some hope, I mean, times can change, things can come around that make you enjoy life....I know, I know, you probably heard that before too, but I guess we keep hoping for better times, and yeah,I guess there's no living creature that wouldn't fight to survive, and we are no exception in that.
It'd a terrible sterotype,I know, but basically as long as you're alive there's hope...., and I'm glad you allways find something to stop you from realising your wish.
Take care,
:hug:
helena
 

joce

Active Member
#5
Yeah, I think so too. You sound more bored and sick of the futility and meaninglesness of it all. I often say if things are the same on this date next year then I will top myself. Of course by then things have changed, usually got even worse, but then I set another date. I keep moving from place to place and then fall out with my neighbours and decide to move on somewhere else. This time it will be different I say, but it never is. I can't stand people - they're so two faced. I hear them bad mouthing a person, then see them sitting with that same person laughing and talking. You probably don't go ahead because at the back of your mind there is a little ray of hope. It could be hidden deep in your sub-conscious that tomorrow something good will happen to you. I hope it does for you. Would winning a million pounds change your life. The answer for me would be yes, I do believe enough money can make you happy - well happier. Meeting my ideal mate wouldn't work because I'd convince myself that they'd leave, finding God wouldn't work because I'd convince myself that I'd end up in hell. Hope today is o.k. for you. Keep fighting the the big "D"- the bastard.
 
#6
I dont think its so much as survival, its because you real desire isnt to die. Your real desire is to escape life, they two may be mutually exclusive, but they are not the same. You feel you cant change life, so therefore you dont want it, your only alternative therefore is to die. But you dont actually want to die. So you're stuck in limbo. Just a suggestion, I know thats how it is for me anyway.
 
#7
Don't look at it like "I want to die." Look at it like this (it helps me somehow), "I just don't want to live". If you look at it as "I want to die.", that translates that nothing will pull you out of your depression. But if you look at it as "I just don't want to live." then you have to take into account all the pain, suffering, turmoil, dissapointment, judging and hatred that comes with life. But it also includes the happiness, joy, love and overall pleasure that life can bring. It just boils down to one thing... Is you cup half-full or half-empty?
 
#8
It takes more courage to keep going than it does to end it all. To end it all is a LOT less work. And also its that 'stupid pre-programmed desire to live', as you've put it, although Im not sure if I think its stupid or not. Thats just what I think though. :hug:

TDM
 

Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#9
...and maybe some hope, I mean, times can change, things can come around that make you enjoy life....I know, I know, you probably heard that before too, but I guess we keep hoping for better times, and yeah,I guess there's no living creature that wouldn't fight to survive, and we are no exception in that.
It'd a terrible sterotype,I know, but basically as long as you're alive there's hope...., and I'm glad you allways find something to stop you from realising your wish.
Take care,
:hug:
helena
Hope must be pre-programmed into us because I thought I abandoned all hope years ago.

Yeah, I think so too. You sound more bored and sick of the futility and meaninglesness of it all. I often say if things are the same on this date next year then I will top myself. Of course by then things have changed, usually got even worse, but then I set another date. I keep moving from place to place and then fall out with my neighbours and decide to move on somewhere else. This time it will be different I say, but it never is. I can't stand people - they're so two faced. I hear them bad mouthing a person, then see them sitting with that same person laughing and talking. You probably don't go ahead because at the back of your mind there is a little ray of hope. It could be hidden deep in your sub-conscious that tomorrow something good will happen to you. I hope it does for you. Would winning a million pounds change your life. The answer for me would be yes, I do believe enough money can make you happy - well happier. Meeting my ideal mate wouldn't work because I'd convince myself that they'd leave, finding God wouldn't work because I'd convince myself that I'd end up in hell. Hope today is o.k. for you. Keep fighting the the big "D"- the bastard.
I need to get rid of this hope that way it will not get in the way of my plans any more. But I know that winning 1 million pounds would help me buy more material distractions in my life.

But I know I will never find a mate because I do not believe in approaching others nor do I know how to show interest in others. As for religion lets just say that if there was religion in my life I would be more scared to die but since me wanting to die is a desire for me to end my existence... well I cannot do that if I believe in an afterlife.


I dont think its so much as survival, its because you real desire isnt to die. Your real desire is to escape life, they two may be mutually exclusive, but they are not the same. You feel you cant change life, so therefore you dont want it, your only alternative therefore is to die. But you dont actually want to die. So you're stuck in limbo. Just a suggestion, I know thats how it is for me anyway.
Hmm interesting way of putting it. I just don't want this miserable life anymore... and I know I don't...

Don't look at it like "I want to die." Look at it like this (it helps me somehow), "I just don't want to live". If you look at it as "I want to die.", that translates that nothing will pull you out of your depression. But if you look at it as "I just don't want to live." then you have to take into account all the pain, suffering, turmoil, dissapointment, judging and hatred that comes with life. But it also includes the happiness, joy, love and overall pleasure that life can bring. It just boils down to one thing... Is you cup half-full or half-empty?
Ha ha interesting I don't want to live... because it makes me recount life... well I don't really want to do that. Because compared to most my life is not that bad.

It takes more courage to keep going than it does to end it all. To end it all is a LOT less work. And also its that 'stupid pre-programmed desire to live', as you've put it, although Im not sure if I think its stupid or not. Thats just what I think though. :hug:

TDM
Hmmm I don't know really.... in my life I just hid in my room as much as I can... that is not courage. It takes courage to erase all fears and doubts about what happens after death and actually kill myself.
 
#16
Not to get defensive, and why im protecting forgotten man im not sure, im sure you could do a much better job than me...but if you have all the answers, if solving problems is soooooooo easy, then painsource, WHY ARE YOU HERE ? Does it make you feel like jesus helping the poor unfortunate souls ?
 

helena

Staff Alumni
#18
good, that's great, all support avaiable is welcome, I'm sure, and I hope everyone here tries the same, in a constructive, prolife way.
I'm glad it helps you to help others, painsource.
:hug:
 
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