so would you judge....

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by justme87, Aug 31, 2010.

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  1. justme87

    justme87 New Member

    sooo say i said i was raped would you judge like everyone else who knew? what about the second time it happend? does it mean something is wrong with me? what do I do? I know im not the greatest person in the world but i never thought id have this happen to me again. this time it was way worse. first time someone i knew i loved i trusted. this time i had no idea who he was nor did i care untill that test result told me what i feared. i knew what i had to do. and i did it. i hate myself for it everyday and i hate the "man" that did this to me. he still tries to talk to me to see how i am and what i am up to. its crazy how you can have something happpen to you and you can give up on everything like that. i no longer care about anything anymore i dont even care if i have a place to live. i just want out. out of this cruel place its to the point where i cant take anymore.....it started when i was young the parents always fought andhit eachother. drank alot and did drugs...... then my dad musta thought something bad about me bc he later in life tried to kill me and to this day i want to know what i did? he hated me soooooo much. then this happens to me twice....what do i do that is sooo bad that i am hated by so many people? why must i always keep it all bottled up and a secret? thats right so you cant judge me....you can to whoever reads this maybe you can answer y i suck so bad? why must i always be judged? always depressed? horrible thoughts? i dunno im just rambling now and wish i had someone to talk to just vent out all the things i really want to say but i wont bother anyone with that junk........just answer me why must we jusdge the people who have had these things happen so badly? why?
     
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Who is judging you? You will find many people here who have suffered as you have and others who will offer support and advice if you want it.

    What kind of help do you want or have you sought out already? How old were you the first time, then the second? Regardless of your age you should probably begin by getting into therapy and looking into bringing charges against those who have harmed you. Have you looked into this already?

    There is much to discuss regarding your situation and I hope you will stay here awhile and see how this forum works. You will find support here if you want it!
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    no one can judge you noone you were violated in the worst way the only one that should judged is your attacker You are not to blame okay you are the victim don't be so hard on yourself okay don't go there the only one to blame is the attacker im sorry you have had to suffer at the hands of another yet again Ihope you are getting help for you therapy okay get healing for you
     
  4. justme87

    justme87 New Member

    I have not tried to get help about all of this. anyone i turned to just gives me that look. the look they give is enough for me to hide out from them. I cant afford to go to a t but i dunno what to do anymore. im litterally going insane. everywhere i go i see him. the first time i was actually a vergin so it really bothers me to talk about i was only 16. the last time it happened was three months ago. I went to a clinic where they gave me the plan b pill or morning after pill. It was a week of pain and misery i didnt know the pill makes you physically sick. well as it so happened the pill didnt work and i got well you know and i misscarried and had to go and welll no need to tell all needless to say im still in pain and way in debt now. i cant even make my rent i live alone and have no one to turn to. im freaking out and scared. i cant trust anyone not even my best friend considering she left me at the place this last time that it happend. and well i dunno maybe if i woulda seen her leave i woulda went or if i stuck to her i wouldnt have to be in this situation again. this is the first time i really told anyonw the truth about what the aftermath of the night was and it scares the hell out of me. i just cant do this anymore between all that and the other stuff ive been through in my liffe i just cant find the strenght to go on much more. im not saying im going to do anything bad im just saying that turning into a hermit doesnt sound to bad. ive already vut myself off from the world besides work. i can bearly get by there anymore. i need help and ineed it now.
     
  5. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    hey you are not alone in this..don't bother if anyone starts judging you..hav faith in yourself. It was never your fault, you never deserved any of the hatered. Its just that you had to pay for being a good person...see shit happens to all the good people out there. I was abused by a teacher when i was only 14, i locked up my feeling for years..now I m 20 and I don't fear it anymore..i dont care..i know i m a good person and thats all the matters to me. You should feel the same way too.
     
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    No one should judge you. You had to go through something horrible, twice. The only thing I feel is compassion for you.
     
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