Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Con, Jun 26, 2012.

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  1. Con

    Con Member

    Alright so, I don't have a "tough life," no illnesses, deaths or anything like that, but I thoroughly thoroughly dislike myself. I don't know what I want to accomplish by making this thread, but I guess it will do me some good to let it out.

    So, I was at uni and began self-harming because I just wanted to hurt myself, I was repulsed by myself, I began drinking quite heavily and not in a social way, just alone, in my room. My flatmates knew I was acting weird so they told me to go to the doctors, which I did and got prescribed fluoxetine; I really do think it helped me. I told all my friends about this, and they were quite shocked, I tend to be the guy that is really upbeat and makes people laugh. This is just an act really, I think I do it to hide the hatred of myself, but I really do like to entertain people.

    My pills ran out and I had to fly back home from university for the summer holidays, my parents are unaware of any depression, I never talk to them and never will tell them how I feel. I lied to them about the scars on my arm, along with my friends as I don't really think they can help, and I don't want them treating me differently like i'm some complete mess that they have to care for.

    The suicidal thoughts have been building and building, I don't really think I could ever go that far, but if life had an "off switch" I think I would of pressed it by now. I can't go back to the doctors here and get more pills because I'll have to hide them from my parents, I can't drink excessively or self-harm as my parents would realise, and they are the last people that would understand anything like this.

    So....yea....that's whats up
  2. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member

    Welcome to the forum Con. I'm new here too and I'm finding it's actually helping a lot just reading through posts and making a few of my own. Anyway, it's just kinda cool to relate to people here that don't judge. Good to meet ya here bud.
  3. Con

    Con Member

    Thanks for replying, nice to meet you too!
  4. darkgirlforever

    darkgirlforever Active Member

    Hi! I'm sort of new here too and i have some of the same issues you do with self harm. Anyways since you feel like you can't talk to your parents or get more medication my advice would be to explore ways to let out your suicidal thoughts in a positive way so they don't build up and make you act on them. Yes i know its harder than i'm making it sound. I write my thoughts down to get them out of my system and it seems to help me. Just put pen to paper and write whatever comes to your mind and don't even think about what to say. Posting and reading posts on here could also help you with your building suicidal thoughts like razor2012 said. I do stuff like talk to friends and such when i'm feeling suicidal whether they be my online friends or my in person friends. Anyway it's nice to meet you and i hope you have a good experience with the forum. It really is a place to make friends and to get and give support. If you ever wanna talk let me know because i'm usually on here every day. Peace!
  5. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    You're not going to want to hear this, but I think you need to make your parents aware of your depression in so far as you have taken fluoxetine in the past with positive results, and would like to resume taking it in future. Depression is hard enough to deal with even with meds to help. I urge you not to put yourself through additional suffering just because you want to avoid an awkward conversation with your folks.

    Think about it, okay?
  6. Con

    Con Member

    yea i guess would like to be back on pills so i'll need to give it a lot of thought, thanks for the advice

    P.S Is that a super-meatboy avatar? awesome game
  7. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Yeah i get why telling ur parents is hard. I tell my family nothing well as little as possible anyways. Even if you only tell them about the meds side of it so that you can get urself back headed in a good direction. You control how much u tell them. But at least if you are on ur meds you will be in a better frame of mind. Something to think about. You certainly don't wanna head down hill again and that can happen quickly if ur not careful. Welcome anyways, hope you can enjoy some of ur break from uni.
  8. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    It is indeed. :)
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