So... Yeah...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Jehuty, Jun 3, 2009.

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  1. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    So I overdosed and almost was there.
    I know what I did wrong so next time I will have more luck. Sigh.
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Please don't say that..i am glad you didn't do it right...do you need to chat? I am here
    B
     
  3. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm so sorry to hear that, Jehuty. I'm glad you didn't succeed. Please speak with your friends here, you seem like such a nice person.
     
  4. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    I just can't go on this way. :cry:
    Why can't people just accept that I really just can't? :cry:
     
  5. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're struggling so much hun.

    :arms: xx
     
  6. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I think people are accepting that you feel that you can no longer go on the way things are! No one is invalidating that, Jehuty. What people want is to care for you and to help you try and figure out a way out of feeling how you're feeling, without losing you. Maybe the situation needs changed. Change is hard, it's like birth - painful. Obviously something needs to change so that you don't feel this way. I think that's what everyone here is going through. What's the basis of what you're feeling and what is going on, maybe someone can help you figure out how to change it. Let people be here for you, as you've been here for them.
     
  7. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    It doesn't get the chance to get better. :cry:
    There is just too much stress on me. :cry:
    Why can't they just understand that I can't fucking do this? :cry:
     
  8. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    Okay so do this for me then. If you're going to off yourself, give yourself until tomorrow. One more day isn't going to make that big of a difference. But for me, wait until tomorrow.

    For right now, take a deep breath... several of them... slowly, and let them out slowly. Count to five or six taking it in, then count to five or six holding it in, then count to seven or eight letting it out. Let it out a bit longer than you took it in and held it in. And just focus on your breathing, close your eyes and don't look at the computer while you do it. And do this for about a dozen times, very slowly, unless you get light headed, and if you get light headed, just breathe normally until it goes away - then start over again with the deep breathing.

    Okay?

    Just try that for the moment. And give it one more day.
     
  9. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    I already gave it enough freaking days, all they do is make it worse. :cry:
     
  10. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    Okay then give it until you try breathing and calming down. Right now you're hysterical - and you say you're ODing - that's a bad combination. If you're ODing and hysterical you're not going to accomplish anything, even what you want to accomplish. You need to breathe - then you need to get help. There's nothing any of us can do from here - Jehuty. Its a pretty helpless feeling for those of us who do care about what happens to you. Please get help.
     
  11. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    No one cares about me, they can't. :cry:
    Look at me, I'm a piece of shit. :cry:
    That's how it always was and always will stay. :cry:
    I hate myself, I want to get rid of me. :cry:
    I only seem to destroy everything. :cry:
     
  12. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yeah well, from one "piece of shit" to another, I can promise you that no matter how shitty you think you are, or even how shitty other people may think you are, there are going to be people who care what happen to you. I don't even know you and only talked to you once, and I care. You can't escape that, because you're a good person. If you were a shitty person, I wouldn't give a crap what happened. But I talked to you and listened to you and can tell you - you are not a piece of shit. You only feel that way. And if you don't like something, you have the ability to change it. Dear GOD how much I've tried to change in my life - sometimes succeeding, other times not.

    I'm going through hell right now because I know I have to change and do some things I do not want to do - all to make myself not feel like doing what you're saying you're doing now.

    When I want to die, it usually doesn't mean I want to die, it means that I'm at my limit - I can't take any more, I don't want to feel/think/experience whatever is happening - something has to change! Like I said, change is like birth - it's painful and messy, but you can't stop it from happening once it starts.

    Death is change. But death is something that once it happens you can't undo it.

    Please try other changes first before you try the permenant one. Please get help for the pills or whatever you took.
     
  13. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    I am a piece of shit. :cry:
    It's not my fault, I grew up with people threating me that way. :cry:
    Horrible things happend to me when I was little. :cry:
    How can I do good if I do not know what it is? :cry:
     
  14. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    You do know what it is. You knew the other day in chat. You were patient and understanding, and showed a marvelous sense of humour and maturity.

    Horrible things happened to me when I was little too, Jehuty. They're hard to let go of, they haunt you, and you never completely get over them - but you can learn to live with it, and despite it. You can learn to empower yourself.

    Even what you're doing now is helping me. Strange huh? Because I listen to you, and its like talking to myself. See? You can't help yourself. You're a good person who deserves to continue being so, and helping those around you. Let us care about you, until you can care about yourself?
     
  15. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    I don't care about myself, I hate myself. :cry:
    How can I not after everything that happend? :cry:
     
  16. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I can accept that you hate yourself right now. I understand that. But what happened to you isn't your fault. You need to get help to understand that - but I swear to God it wasn't your fault. If it was your fault, then what happened to me was my fault. Was it? Did I deserve it? Do I deserve to die after everything that's happened?
     
  17. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    Everything was my fault. :cry:
     
  18. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    How so? If you want to PM me that's fine. Do you want to talk? Do you have MSN? We can talk if you want privately. Whatever makes you feel safest.
     
  19. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    Yes I have msn, pm me yours if you want. :cry:
     
  20. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    PMed. :hug: Hang in there!
     
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