So, you might think this is stupid and overreacting but..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KayleighBella, Apr 10, 2013.

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  1. KayleighBella

    KayleighBella Member

    This is going to sound stupid but i need some helpful advice.
    When i was 15 i really was so close to ending my life and you guys helped rehabilitate me. I'm 20 in July and haven't had these thoughts for years, until now. I don't know what really triggered it but i really do think i hate my physical appearance. I went on the Mini-Pill because my time of the month made me really ill and as a result (i think) i never seem to feel full when eating. I get hungry so much faster than i used to and have put on roughly a stone and a half since starting them a year ago.

    I also have ridiculously bad skin, it's either massive pores or a ton of blackheads. Depressing i know. I have stretch marks on my thighs and hips from my rapid weight gain which i really hate. The main problem though, seems to be something i noticed a few days ago. I have 2 deep wrinkles on my forehead and like i said, i'm only 19. I think it's because i raise my eyebrows a lot (not sure why and thinking about stopping only makes me do it more!!) and i just feel so crap and like my life is already passing me by and all these things are irreversible so why bother?

    The last thing i have a problem with is caffeine. You might laugh it off as a coffee addiction but it's not. I think i'm addicted to 'energy drinks' and i literally pick some up while shopping without even thinking about it. I know this is bad for my weight and skin but it seems too hard to stop and i don't want to tell anyone else because i feel stupid.

    I wouldn't say i'm going to commit suicide tonight but the feelings are there. Too much irreversible aesthetic stuff happening and i feel like chancing it and ending everything for the hope of a 'do-over' might be the better option.
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're stupid or overreacting. Do think there's probably something or someone else in your life that's stressing you out. You were brave enough and strong enough to sort it out ( whatever it was ) at 15 so I'm absolutely sure you can do it again. I'm glad you came back on here for support.
  3. KayleighBella

    KayleighBella Member

    I kind of feel overwhelmed. I've got Uni things going on and i'm so used to being good at academic stuff and with this work i just don't seem to know how to write it. Like i don't know what they want me to write and i always seem to get it wrong. I also have a not-so-helpful 3 year boyfriend who only pulls away when i'm upset. :/ thank you for your reply by the way.
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I'm an old woman so very out of date. Do you have a personal tutor to advise you? Someone who does group tutorials? Or whatever the modern day equivalent is. That's for the academic Uni stuff. Ask. You are extremely unlikely to be the only one with that problem and certainly not the first. For emotional support try the Uni counselling service or the chaplaincy. The latter may seem an odd suggestion but you can be of any faith or none to seek their help. It gives you a wider choice from which to seek someone you jell with.
    Oh, keep the boyfriend for light relief. We can all use a bit of that.
  5. KayleighBella

    KayleighBella Member

    Yeah, i'll email my tutor tomorrow. I've always felt stupid to have to ask for help but i know one of my friends from the course is struggling too so i can't be the only one. thank you for the advice. x
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Any addiction is hard to stop. If you know and realise that caffeine is not good for the issues you have with weight and maybe skin too (on top of that, it can add to making depression worse), I would suggest finding a way that you can gradually cut down, because, like people do with alcohol or cigarettes, it is possible to beat that. And who knows, that might just have a positive impact on your physical appearance which you state that you have an issue with.

    Also, if people have supported and helped you before, and you have managed to pull clear of the feelings once, you know you have the capacity to get beyond them.
  7. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I am 20 and for years I had massive problems with spots. I tried creams, eating more fruit and nothing seemed to work..In the end I gave up and just let my body do what it had to..Its not so bad now, but its different for everyone hun. Try not to let it get you down too much. It's something everyone goes through. I also eat a lot of food and way to many take aways >_< Last year I was obbsessed about losing weight to the point I stopped eating all together. I joined the gym and manged to drop a stone, but I couldn't lose anymore.. Somehow I've managed to stay around the same weight, but now I don't seem to care if I put it back on or not. I rather have a nice takeaway than a bit of salad..You only live once haha.

    Energy drinks...Ugh..I too have started getting addicted..had quite a few this week >_< Damn relentless and rockstar.. its very easy to get addicted as there is sooo much caffiene in them and they do taste nice lol. Maybe just try drinking less everyday and slowly cut them out. Replace them with some kind of flavoured water or some other drink you like that doesnt have so much caffiene in.

    Look after yourself and stay strong :hug: xx
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