so, you want to die...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chemical Chaos, Jun 20, 2007.

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  1. Chemical Chaos

    Chemical Chaos Active Member

    ...okay. fine. y'know...sometimes life gets on top of you. it seems like it's just one thing after another and just when you're starting to see the sun again...out pops yet another cloud.
    you feel like you're getting old and yet getting nowhere. you could live with your parents, or you could have a crappy job...maybe you're single after five years.
    you feel alone; you've been abused. maybe you're still a child and you want to break free; life is dragging you down.
    you take solace in anything you, computer games, people, memories...
    you cry all day, and scream all night. you smoke, you take drugs, you cut yourself...whatever. you dream of that moment where you can lay your head down and let it all fade away.

    no-one gets it...they all think you're another trend sheep wanting a shallow fashion accesory..."oh yeah, suicide is cool these days" they say.

    you just want a friend.

    you could sigh all day, you stock up on fat filled treats to make you enjoy at least ONE thing in life...
    you pile on the pounds, perhaps...maybe you were already fat. maybe that's why you hate yourself..."yeah, me and my disgusting body." you say.

    you just want a chance.

    you could be on pills...happy little round things that are supposed to take it all away; you just want to talk...a chemical helping hand won't make you feel better...but a hand to lend might.

    maybe you tried to find religion but you remained lost.

    maybe you went to auditions to try and become someone; anyone. a success!

    maybe everything rejects you time and time again; maybe you really are no-one.

    but you're not...but no means. and i know all the kind words and all of the help in the world won't make it go away. but you're human; and you are someone.

    maybe someone you love is dead; maybe your hope is.

    maybe you don't know why you feel so bad but you just want alive again.

    i can't get inside your head; and i can't save you. but i can care...and i can try and be there for you.
    and all the worst case scenerios you've been through...i've been through just as many.

    for all the pills, and all the therapy, and all the self prescribed types of coping method....i've been there, done that...and i'm still doing it. and if i can you.

    yes, life is a horrible struggle. and yes, it's easy to feel disgusted and uncomfortable in your own body. it's hard when someone has fucked you over or when something keeps going wrong.

    it's hard to get over losing something. it's hard to be you; i swear i understand it all.

    and i know, god do i know, how frustrating it is to be told to just "hold on." when you've been holding on for ages now...and all you really want to do now is let go.

    and being lonely, being sad...isn't as uncommon as you think, and you're really not alone...cos even if no-one else does...i understand. and i live it...

    you really are not all that alone....

    i am just a pm away.

    Draven xxxx
  2. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    That was poetic! Welcome to SF.
    I think you managed to hit a majority of problems faced on this site which is no easy task. Your quite right, you can't get into someones head but we never have to. We can just listen and let peoples heads care for themselves. Glad to have you here Draven
  3. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    Seconded :yes:
  4. Chemical Chaos

    Chemical Chaos Active Member

    thanks :biggrin:

    i just hope i can bring a few smiles to the table and try and help people discover ways of making life a little bit less awful.

    and, ah, and fellow english person? jolly good to meet you, kind one. :)

    D xx
  5. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much for posting this :hug: :smile: x
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