I'm back here. Right here, this place of utter negativity and frustration and sadness and all of that. I know I'm perhaps not the brightest bulb in the pack but why must others make me feel like shit on the soles of their feet? And make me feel like I'm a complete idiot. Over and over and over? How should I respond when asked if others will look after my affairs when the time comes, if there is anyone there (in my life). What way, other than remaining silent, can I deal with this overwhelming guilt being placed at my feet for something I didn't as for? Feel like I am suffocating today. And realizing perhaps more strongly than I have for a while that it is me alone, anymore. And that there are no reasons to remain. Many memories mentioned today, of which I have no recall. And so I shook my head and remained quiet. Safer. Likewise when subjects were brought up which I knew were incorrect, I was correctd over and over. Again, quiet, slink back into my hole of darkness and silence and secrets. And I was asking in my head for someone to help, for someone to reach out, for any of those souls gone to help me out.