1. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    so i make friends. every now and then. since a decade it s been online through friends of friends of friends etc. and meet them irl
    and it s rare. i mean i don t have normal friends or acquaintances.
    they start of as smth similar but instantly they notice smth weird. off or idk.. it appeals to them

    then i get attached as hell and they go: oo
    and it turns romantic or sexual sooner or later.

    either by them bc they want and need
    or me just to see or idk... just want and need too but there s too much past trauma and
    it s then i get unattached.
    it s like an on/off button. happens everywhere, online, offline
    can become attached and detached in minutes/hours

    i guess i crave someone lasting and passion and someone who accepts and more importatly doesn t judge gender/sex/looks, bc that is abig struggle for me. am gender confused or smth am not sure. people say i sound like both male n female or neither mostly

    but i want someone normal as well bc i never had someone normal. by normal i mean chit chat, go to cinema(not dates), casual stuff, where noone s in lust or in love.
    just ordinary friends,
    but idk how to make or keep them.???

    wow what a rant/vent
    then some of these sexual/romantic people have meant more than others. but can t prove it to them, it just is.they leave or move on. guess shouldn t be so straight forward with my life to people but idk any other way
    wow hard to type on ipad

    i have many sexual traumas. not rapes really but more like molestations that stick... idk.
    and all these feelings and more are so easy to turn on and off and idk why

    it s crippling
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 24, 2015
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i mean it was a vent but has anyone got anything at all to idk add or suggest or...
  3. Eloquence

    Eloquence Member

    I myself am currently coping with someone so I fear that I'll only bring you down with what I say--
    But, scaryforest, don't give up.
    You have all my support.
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    you didn t bring me down and i saw your other plea/thread. and i do not know your story much and this is just iceberg of mine.
  5. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    ^^^^ This is normal. The backing away is your brain/heart's attempt to keep you from getting hurt. It is not something you can just decide to turn off. It is something you can work on slowly changing. When you want to walk away you need to remember why you liked that person to start with. Feeling distant is fine. Just remember to not be hurtful when you are distant. All relationship have ups and downs. It would be so much easier if all people were black and white but we all have to deal with shadows.
  6. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    idk if it s fear of being hurt. i really idk

    or maybe i think they don t have enough time for me. when i m up all hours for them...
    this seems really petty, idk
    but that s what a friend is, i mean a close one, to me. someone who s always there