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so. . .

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Don't really know where to start... it will probably just sound like I have small problems compared to the other people posting here.

I have been thinking about suicide a lot lately, although I don't think I have the guts to do it.

Ever since I graduated high school last year I haven't done anything.. yeah, my fault.. whatever. The last time I was with a friend was last summer.
I'm over 18 and I don't have my license.
I have no friends anymore
I have no job
I say I'm going to the military this summer.. but that's a joke, I've been so lazy lately I couldn't run a mile.
I'm losing my health insurance soon because I'm not going to college - which is great because I need check-ups for cancer.
If I go out in public (rarely) it would be with my dad, since there's no other way to get there.. I get nervous every time just from being in the car, because I think someone I went to school with would see me and feel sorry for or criticize me, which makes me feel like more of a pos.
If I get a job I have the same anxiety that someone I knew will see me working at some dead end job and wonder what I'm up to, which I would have to answer "nothing." -- same thing with a job interview,(I wouldn't get it because I have nothing to say) and me learning to drive at age 19 would make me look awesome too.

A day of mine consist of sleeping half of the day, watching TV/listening to music or radio/playing video games.. for what seems like has been going on forever.

If I was actually capable of purchasing a gun I would, I just waste my family's money when I sit here and rot.

edit -
Oh yeah, no one in my household thinks I'm depressed (if that's even the correct word).. I act normal when I see them for about 10 minutes or less out of a day. On rare occasions my dad will tell me I need to do something like go to college, bluntly, and I just shrug it off because I'm anxious to do so.
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Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Firstly WELCOME TO THE FORUM :biggrin:

Ok you are obviously depressed, all the classic signs, you need to see a doc about anti depressants etc.

Also you mentioned check up for cancer, do you or have you had cancer?
That would be enought to make you anxious and depressed.

You won't be able to tackle anything, job, college, whatever, until you get the depression sorted; so see a doc!!!!
:welcome: to SF. Thank you for sharing about what is currently going on in your life. You do exhibit some classic signs of depression, but you should seek professional help to see if that is truly the problem. Some medical problems can also show these same signs, so see your doctor before your insurance lapses. I would also like to tell you from experience that if I allow myself to sleep most of the time, or stay around the house and do nothing, the depression or bad feelings get worse. If you keep your mind occupied with something else, sometimes it can help. I hope you are able to get some answers and find the help and support you need to change these feelings. Take care. :hug:
Welcome to the forum, hope to see you around. Like other people have said, you do have the symptoms of depression, however it would be a lot better if you got a doctor to check them up. And like Gentlady has said, occupying yourself DOES help, a LOT. hehe :)

This sounds a lot better in my head, I'll probably be contradicting myself saying it out loud though.

I don't feel depressed, or know if my doctor would say I am.. likely because as you said, being occupied will keep your mind off it. Most of the time I'm occupied, with the pointless things I do to pass the day.
watching TV/listening to music or radio/playing video games
I don't start feeling like crap until I know I need to go do something with my life and get scared to do so.. that's when I think about how to "end it."

I guess what this post is saying is "I don't really think I'm depressed, should I go see him anyway?" I don't know what exactly anti-depressants do.. but how is a pill going to make me happy when I have nothing to show what I've done since high school.

PS - About the cancer question -- I used to have cancer, I get tests to see if it has come back.


Well-Known Member
Welcome to the forum, a little late me knows, but better late then never.

*hugs* I hope we can be friends.

You sound like you're going through a rough time right now but we're here for you, I sound like a step mother or something. :blink:

Anywayz, welcome. See you around.


Might i suggest something -a thought? So you'd be gentler on yourself.

Going through cancer is a life-altering experience - nothing is the same ever again and it changes your view on life - sometime things become clearer and more meaningful, but other times it just rocks and shatters the very foundation of what you believed and your whole llife view. Perhpas this is a clue to your inertia.

All I know for sure is that I've gone through a lot of traumatic stuff in my own life and it's affected me in countless ways. I now suffer from severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder, and I find that since my worldview has been altered so frequently and vastly, simply taking antidepressnats does not do the trick.

What I'm trying to say in a long winded way is that perhaps some counselling along with the antidepressants might work better for you - to revisit your trip through the cancer experience and perhpas discover how strong and brave you really were (!) And that after such a battle, it is perfectly NORMAL to feel the question looming constantly..."NOW WHAT?", or just as daunting, "What if it returns?". It sounds very much like you're waiting for an answer and becoming impatient with (and very hard on) yourself. I'm no shrink but I am in that same boat. Trouble lurks around every corner in my own life..

Keep on posting, and get some outside help. And btw - no small thing - you're still here because you fought hard! Congratulations...


P.S. Being a caregiver through some horrendous familly sh*t, and then being burned out, I too cannot find enough ways to pass my days, being out of work and now not being able to function, and feel great bouts of shame and inadequency - so I feel for you...
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jane doe

Well-Known Member
hi nogo and welcome to the forum, as other members said you seem deppresed. Listening music and watching tv all day is not being busy, is a way to relax yourself, and when people are deppresed and relax, feel even worse. You can pm me at any time hun if you want to talk, i hope this place helps you as it helps a lot of people here. ;)


Well-Known Member
Welcome to the forum :) hopefully we can offer you some support

Even if you do not feel depressed, it is still worth going and discussing with your doctor how you feel. Maybe print off your original post and show him/her. It might be that you are not depressed, but suffer anxiety issues, which the doctor can also help you with. Essentially you have nothing to lose by going, but a lot to potentially gain.

If the doc gives you medication it adjusts the levels of chemicals in your brain, thus causing you to feel better. this feeling better, maybe with some therapy of some sort, can lead to you feeling more motivated, and less scared of what others think of you. Going to the docs could be the first step to you having something to show (as you put it) for after high school.

To be honest, you sound like you are lacking in a lot of self confidence, and self respect. Having beaten cancer you are clearly a very strong person, although right now you probably can't see that or any of the other good qualities you have.

I agree with others, watching TV, etc, is not overly taxing, could you take up a hobby? Something you could do indoors? Do you have any pets?

I too struggle to leave the house and it can be incredibly restricting, but I personally found that having pets and things like that helped me to pass the day quickly.

Keep fighting, and take care of yourself
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:welcome: :D

Welcome hun!!! Glad you gound this great community/family... if you'd ever like to talk about anything I am here and am more than happy to listen ot talk with you. Take care and keep the hope... if you ever need anything just let me know... I will try my best to help you. :hug: :hug: :hug:


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