So..

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Spearmint, Jan 14, 2008.

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  1. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I guess it's time I finally talk about this. I've tried sooooooo fucking hard to just bottle it up and act like it never happened, but it did.

    When I was 10, I was raped by my best friend's brother. He was like..16, 17? I remember it so fucking vividly, it literally makes me sick. They've moved now, not sure where, it happened about 6 years ago, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of it.

    Life isn't fair sometimes..What type of person does that to a 10 year old girl? Stealing the innocence of someone is just not fucking fair. Do they think of the turmoil they cause to the victims? Ughhhhhh. Life sucks. :sad:
     
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Sus,
    I'm so sorry hun. There are no words I can say to make things okay. In time you should talk to you counselor if you trust him/her enough. Im sorry hun :(
    :hug:
     
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Yeah, no words will ever make it okay for anyone who goes through it..I probably should talk to her, but it took me so long to even admit to people I don't know, how am I supposed to tell someone I know? :sad:
     
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    to be honest jess i can't answer that because my family still doesn't know. It happened 10+ years ago and I've never found an easy way. You just have to figure out a way b/c eventually it needs to come out b/c bottling up is just not a good thing to do. :hug:
     
  5. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: But I'm so good at bottling stuff up..Eh..I don't know anymore..
     
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    no bottling stuff up :hug: not healthy...and you know that b/c it leads to breakdowns and explosions
     
  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    I just..I wish I would have told someone, anyone. God..I was so young..So stupid. :sad:
     
  8. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    you were NOT stupid jess. don't ever say you were stupid because of what he did to you. you were a child, a baby basically, you had no concept of "sex, consent etc". how can a 10 year old possibly understand what is going on or comprehend what he's doing? you couldn't have known and you are not to blame nor are you stupid!!!
     
  9. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    But I had to have provoked it somehow. It had to have been my fault, something I did, something I said. I don't know.
     
  10. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Jess
    You did not provoke anything. You were 10. TEN!! a ten year old cannot provoke a 17 year old into anything sexual. I don't think a 10 year old has much understanding of sex etc. You didnt provoke anything at all. The guy is scum and if i could see him I'd hurt him for you.
     
  11. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Ugh, I had to have done something. I trusted him. :sad:
     
  12. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    why wouldnt you trust him jess? you had no reason not to..he was your best friends brother..you know? you didnt do anythign wrong.
     
  13. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    But I feel like it was my fault, you know? I'm just so ashamed, I feel guilty, and thinking of it always, always makes me feel sick. What type of guy is going to want to be with me? I can't trust anyone, I especially can't trust guys. :sad:
     
  14. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    you will feel that way jess, i still get that way sometimes. you will think of the what ifs, the why did i do this, etc. but please know that it still isnt your fault. You couldn't defend yourself jess. you were helpless and he took advantage of that. i love u hun :hug:
     
  15. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    No one should have to go through it..Eh..Thanks, Kellz..:hug:
     
  16. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    anytime sus, you know where to find me.
    :hug: and if im not around send out the bat signal k
     
  17. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'm around too, Kellz. And :laugh: yeah, I'll do that..
     
  18. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I can't stop the flashbacks, this is driving me crazy. I'm so pathetic, they won't stop. :cry:
     
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You were just an innocent child Jess when that happened. Please don't blame yourself for what he did to you. He was old enough to know what he was doing was wrong, but you were too young to understand that he was taking advantage of you. I think it's good that you're finally talking about it so that you can start healing and eventually move on.
     
  20. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I don't think I'll ever heal, and completely move on from this. I don't think you understand what it does to people. :(
     
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